r/humor • • 7h ago

Make it make sense

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u/tenth 6h ago

Or, in some cults, the fruit is sex -- which they say explains why the punishments seem to be very sex related. And why Cain and Able came out evil vs good. 

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u/Jacky_dain 5h ago

God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply so the forbidden fruit wasn’t sex

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u/Grouchy_Constant6336 4h ago

God told “mankind” to be fruitful and multiply in genesis 1, in genesis 2, as some believe Adam and Eve are separate creations from the people outside of the garden. The people who Cain was afraid of after he killed his brother. But that’s why the ancient text is all wonky at least in this modern age since “sinful” men “canonized” what they thought of as the bible idk maybe the Ethiopians are correct 🤷‍♂️

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u/tropestoinfinity 3h ago

Asherah vs Yahweh Battle Bot showdown but they ended up fucking.

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u/Grouchy_Constant6336 2h ago

I was talking about the Ethiopian Orthodox canon, not Asherah/Yahweh mythology lol. My point was that they preserved a broader biblical tradition, including books like Enoch and Jubilees, so I’m not automatically assuming the Western canon is the only correct one.

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u/tropestoinfinity 1h ago

Sorry, I took it waaaay far back.

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u/Atanar 1h ago

Of course they are correct, they have the ark.

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u/Self_Reddicate 5h ago

Satan just introduced them to some kinky shit. Blew their freakin minds. They were supposed to be fruitful and multiply. They were NOT supposed to be sticking, you know... THAT... you know... there

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u/FartSnarfGod 4h ago

If toes don't belong in nostrils, they shouldn't come in a variety pack to fit every notril.

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u/Fly0strich 3h ago

God: Go my children, and fuck!

Satan: But guys, check this out. Have you ever noticed that you guys are naked while you’re fucking? Kinda hot right?

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u/Additional-Drama-304 5h ago

The forbidden fruit was eves ass, God wasn't down with anal

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u/DarthChefDad 4h ago

Eve had them apple bottom jeans, amd the boots with the fur, er'ry body in Eden was looking at herrr. She hit the flo', next thing you know, shorty got low low low low low low...

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u/DigitalBlackout 4h ago

How do you explain the poophole loophole then?

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u/Additional-Drama-304 4h ago

Modern revisionism!

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u/Doctor_Kataigida 4h ago

People just misunderstanding and perpetuating a meme. It's the lustful acts in general that are the sin, not just vaginal penetration intercourse. Growing up we were taught that even second base was sinful.

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u/ArtisticExperience32 4h ago

Maybe Adam’s ass, too…

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u/thepants1337 4h ago

Ahhh so Satan made apple bottom jeans. Its all coming together

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u/Additional-Drama-304 4h ago

Sir mix-a-lot was actually prophet

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u/katy90081 4h ago

But then why there ain't any kids until they got kicked out of Eden?

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u/DigitalBlackout 4h ago

Pretty sure the general consensus with christian theologians is they got kicked out like, within a month at most. Not enough time

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u/VegasMaleMT 3h ago

Adam sure named every animal on earth quickly then

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u/corrupted_warrior 2h ago

He told them to be fruitful by having sex, therefore sex was the fruit

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u/FirstSurvivor 5h ago

Guess why they were ashamed to be naked after tasting the fruit?

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u/Self_Reddicate 5h ago

"We use these for WHAT?! Oh My Gob. We have to cover this up."

  • Eve, probably

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u/TheMeshDuck 4h ago

Able - "why he say fuck me"

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u/wrickcook 3h ago

My mom believed she had sex with the snake and the apple was the kid friendly version.

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u/ineversaiddat 6h ago

Bet the snake is also actually Adam's own anaconda... proving evolution right that humanity all came from Africa.

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u/BigDogDoodie 5h ago

Anaconda is exclusive to South America. Not that I think you're trying make an actual argument here, lol.

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u/ineversaiddat 5h ago

That why they are called African Americans...

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u/pwillia7 5h ago

But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda

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u/One_Web_7940 5h ago

look, we dont want none unless you got buns hun.