r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Emotional-Search2815 APPROVED✨ • 16h ago
Trigger Warning ⚠️ Flabbergasted and need real human reactions (pizza arrived)
I know this will be a doozy as it still is to me lol. I just don’t even want to tell my friends about it as I’ve talked this man up.
Was seeing a guy for a few months. It was mostly great, honestly. Had so much fun, he even started saying I love you for a bit before I did. He has a son, which he saw a lot of during the summer but we’d FaceTime often as he didn’t want to throw a new person in his life yet (hell yeah). When he didn’t, we spent 3-4 days a time together. That’s not to say there weren’t red flags, however…
Onto the main issue, I have gotten cold sores for as long as I can remember. As of late, I’m lucky that I get maybe 1/year and even then they don’t blister. I told him this early. He got spooked and was anxious about it, I told him there’s ofc a possibility even without an active sore bla bla. Never had one as I was with him. He said he’d be upset if it happened but he’d get over it. Fair, rational I thought.
Turns out, he got one. Freaked out. Called me poisonous, a threat to society basically. We didn’t talk for about 2 weeks, I gave him the space he asked for to, I thought, process it. Instead he reaches out 2 weeks later and said that I put his son in danger (who is 8, I’ve never met), and he will only talk to me if I sent him 25k to “pay for medication to protect his son from receiving the virus.” Yes. Multiple times, 25k. Absurd. Financial coercion? I’m in the market to purchase my own house so he knows I have it. Weird. Odd. Obviously would never do lmao. He has made it easy to move on after that off putting stunt. I said I’m happy to help in a realistic way for antivirals as 25k surely is more than a lifetimes supply, lmao. He told me to fuck off. Ah well.
Mac n cheese pizza and buffalo chx pizza.
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u/Appropriate-Fox2057 Certified Snacker 16h ago
Wow that's like wild im so sorry.... i get them too, I started getting them after my mom married my step dad. My step sister got them alot and we shared everything. I get them maybe every other year or if my thyroid starts acting up. I have a standing order for the anti viral meds at the pharmacy just in case.
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u/Emotional-Search2815 APPROVED✨ 16h ago
Isn’t it crazy how manageable it is??
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u/Boring_Procedure3956 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Start taking lysine, I swear by it. I went through a phase where because of other issues my inmune system was shot and got them often, bad ones. Started taking lysine and rarely ever get them anymore. I take 1000mg( I think,double check that) daily,one pill, if I feel one coming on,which is rare, I'll take 6 and most of the time they don't come up, if it does it's very small and doesn't blister at all. Lifesaver.
On the "man" issue, sounds like a douche and you had a lucky escape. It would be so much worse if you met his child and created a bond. Block and forget.
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u/Appropriate-Fox2057 Certified Snacker 16h ago
Yes and it honestly stuns me when people dont just go get the anti viral. Like my sister just deals with it and covers it. The stigma around cold sores is so unreasonable.
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u/xx_badjuju 🪄 Sauceress ✨ 16h ago
Yeah tell him to fuck off. Up to like 80% of people carry the virus (oral herpes) that cause cold sores. A LOT of people never even get one to know they carry it. Boy bye
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u/SarcasticSuccubus Pantry Gremlin 15h ago
This!! The standard STI spectrum testing doesn't even check for HSV1 anymore: so many people have it and are completely asymptomatic, and testing is unreliable unless someone is actively experiencing an outbreak.
OP: Overwhelmingly people pick it up in childhood, but it's possible to contract as an adult too. Asymptomatic carriers can also have it for years, and then suddenly display symptoms, especially during times of stress. His demand is unhinged either way: unless you made out with him while you actually had a cold sore, the chances that he got this from you are actually pretty low.
Glad you dodged this bullet. The audacity of some men. 🙄
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u/AtypicalAshley 🍍+ 🍕 13h ago
My mom would get cold sores kinda frequently but I've only had them maybe 3 times my whole life. We would share chapstick and straws. I know I carry it but I don't show any symptoms
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u/Emotional-Search2815 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
I swear over my dogs life I didn’t even have one when with him. And my dog is my world
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u/djmermaidonthemic 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 7h ago
This dude was trying to scam you out of 25k. That’s all, that’s it. I’m glad you didn’t pay him anything!
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u/SarcasticSuccubus Pantry Gremlin 2h ago
100% this guy heard you were saving up for a house and thought he could shame you for a payday.
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9h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 9h ago
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u/Various_Deer_7567 Reddit Granny 10h ago
This was an established scam in Stockholm im the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. Claim someone gave you an STD (usually syphilis) and demand money to pay for treatment. The common victim was a girl, new to the city, and the scammer was her ”first city boyfriend ”.
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u/Various_Deer_7567 Reddit Granny 10h ago
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u/Emotional-Search2815 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
This is scary. And I am reading it didn’t affect wealthy men. Misogyny runs deeeep
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u/Ok-Buddy-7979 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 16h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/lkdH8FmImcGoylv3t3
$25 THOUSAND FOR WHAT
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u/MzzKitSal Resident Yapper 16h ago
Absolutely do not pay anything. Yes, cold sores are contagious, but also yes, he knew the risks and kissed you anyways. You owe him nothing.
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u/Consistent_Kick_7208 APPROVED✨ 6h ago
Funny how you told him and yet he was cool with staying. I mean, it goes without saying—he’s definitely trying to scam you for your money. I’d recommend only telling your friends and close family members you trust about you wanting to buy house, obviously because of losers like this
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u/multipocalypse 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 15h ago
Something like 75-80% of the U.S. population has a form of the herpes simplex virus, but a lot of people don't know it. And how on earth did he figure you put his kid at risk?? Lmao. At least the trash took itself out.
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u/fakemoose 🍍+ 🍕 14h ago
It’s between 50 and 80% percent for oral herpes. Which I always found to be a wildly large range.
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u/multipocalypse 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 14h ago
You're right - I was thinking of the worldwide numbers. I believe the U.S. numbers have such a range due to not enough people getting tested and/or tests not catching a lot of cases.
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u/Greedy-Test-556 APPROVED✨ 15h ago
Aw hell no. HSV is completely endemic. You told him. He knew the risk. You owe him nothing. Block and move on.
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u/couldgiveaflyingfck APPROVED✨ 15h ago
So he got herpes? Or thinks he did?
For those who aren't following along, herpes can occur in the genital area, but the same herpes simplex viruses can also cause outbreaks on your lips, commonly known as cold sores. One of the worst parts can be when an outbreak makes your lips puffy and swollen. I've never had this myself, but I know women who have.
You may have seen those commercials for "Valtrex." That's one of the medications used to help treat herpes outbreaks.
Also, if you've ever heard of Bell's palsy, some scientists think herpes viruses may be involved in triggering it. Bell's palsy happens when the facial nerve becomes inflamed, causing temporary paralysis or weakness on one side of the face. Your mouth can droop or cause drooling on one side, and one eye may not be able to fully close. Doctors may prescribe medications such as Valtrex and prednisone, particularly when a viral cause is suspected.
.
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u/plutoforprez I ❤️ Other People's Business 13h ago
Jesus Christ? Should I be telling people? I had a 3 year relationship without it ever coming up because I never got a cold sore in that time. Doesn’t at least half the population have the virus?
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u/Emotional-Search2815 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
No I think it’s truly normal to disclose only during active outbreak, you’re good gf ❤️ he just made me feel evil for something I had not control over/disclosed lmao
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u/Constant_Cultural Carb-Based Life Form 13h ago
Yeah, we even get it from our mothers. My mom has them constantly, I am 40+ and never had it. Had shingles though who are in the same virus family
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u/MomentaryInfinity 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 7h ago
Ouch. Shingles? I would think those are wayyyyy worse.
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u/Usernameunavai1ab1e APPROVED✨ 10h ago
It's a cold sore, everyone has them. It's not THAT type of herpes. He sounds nuts
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u/Thomgurl21 Assigned Hungry At Birth 7h ago
If you have communicable disease and are making physical contact with someone, it is your duty to disclose because it is transmissible without an active infection. Educate yourself. HSV 1 or HSV 2 can be spread ANYWHERE
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u/rshining Kitchen Witch 5h ago
OP says they disclosed early. As you said, it can be spread anywhere- so the well informed bf would have been cautious in all situations (as presumably OP was trying to be).
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u/lrgfries I ❤️ Other People's Business 16h ago
I got a virulite years ago and I have not had one progress past a tingle ever since. Highly recommend!
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u/Fluffy-Koalas Cookie Monster 🍪 15h ago
Wow, I never knew this existed. I'm going to look into that! Thank you for mentioning this 💜
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u/ashnelly101 Plate Scraper 15h ago
So where do these demons come crawling out of and how do they produce spawn?
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u/harristusc Creature of Crunch 16h ago
Don’t know where you’re from, but between 50-80% of Americans carry the cold sore virus. I didn’t get it until my forties. A coworker with a very active sore was eating my sandwich when I was out of the room. I came back in and finished it without realizing. It was an honest mistake and I’ve never blamed her. We got the same lunch order and she forgot that hers was at another table. You definitely dodged a bad situation with this guy showing his insanity early on.
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u/Emotional-Search2815 APPROVED✨ 11h ago
Wow. You showed a lot of grace. I tried understanding his anger at first, but shit, this was something he had months to decide on. I love a rational human
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u/DeepFriedOligarch leave the man, take the cannoli 15h ago
Fuck that golddigging douchebag. Enjoy your pizza. It looks nommy.
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u/star-67 🧂Salty By Nature 16h ago
I found that having peanuts or cashews would always trigger a breakout on my upper lip. I steer way clear of both. Also discovered Abreva- at the slightest tingle I slather that on and have not had a breakout in years 🙏🙏🙏
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u/ThrowRA-Standard5280 Cookie Monster 🍪 5h ago
Oh and I thought I was crazy because I used to get breakouts after eating nuts (walnuts or cashews in my case), but I never heard someone else say that and could not find any info about those foods being related to breakouts.
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u/Parnone1960 FREE MOM HUGS 1h ago
Google it. Regarding cold sore. I used to get them. My ex and my current husband never got it from me.
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u/Tarotgirl_5392 Snack Goblin 16h ago
Not my petty @$$ asking him how many toilet seats he licked to try this shakedown.
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u/SeattleSunflower7000 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 15h ago
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that jack wagon. And asking for 25k is completely deranged behavior. Lunacy!
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u/No-Lifeguard9194 Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 15h ago
Oh for heaven’s sake!!! Cold sores are incredibly common. They’re not at all rare, and they’re not an STD. Guy needs to get over himself.
Don’t let him extort you.
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u/Brilliant_Leaves APPROVED✨ 16h ago
1/3 of people have that. He needs to get over himself
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u/multipocalypse 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 15h ago
More like 2/3rds, at least!
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u/GreenDreamForever APPROVED✨ 15h ago
Hahahaha. Drop this weirdo asap. Statistically most ppl will eventually catch HSV-1 by the time they reach middle age.
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14h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 14h ago
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u/Ok_Second8665 APPROVED✨ 13h ago
My doctor recently told me there are 300 million people in the US and 200 million have herpes simplex one, cold sores. He said it’s so highly contagious the other 100 million likely are asymptomatic carriers. If he really did just get it (even though you didn’t have an expression during your time together) then he got it from someone else.
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u/Illustrious-Film-592 APPROVED✨ 8h ago
He’s crazy
Very good of you to share your status with him at the start. You did your due diligence and he made an informed choice.
What came afterwards was bananas.
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u/Commercial_Abroad267 Professional Nibbler 7h ago
From an epidemiological standpoint point it is estimated that up to 80% of the adult population has HSV 1. He likely had it long before you met.
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 5h ago
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u/PresentHouse9774 Internet Auntie 4h ago
After the demise of my last relationship, I had myself tested for everything. Just in case. Positive for HSV1 but probably have been for a while. My doctor told me: "You're in good company." The prevalence in my country is over half of adults my age.
He's being a jerk.
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 4h ago
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u/KatnissGolden APPROVED✨ 3h ago
Just FYI for the future... any man saying he loves you in less than 6 months of being together is a giant red flag. You barely just start to really get to know a person after MINIMUM 6 months because those first few months are riding vibes and lust and showing best behavior. 6 months is enough time to see how someone behaves on their bad days and not just on their best days.
ESPECIALLY a man with a child should not be saying things like that so early.
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u/Distinct-Crow4753 what that mouth do is gossip 3h ago
Lmaooo 25k for a cold sore is so so so funny
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u/Unlikely_Mango3349 Snack Goblin 3h ago
The majority of the global adult population has oral herpes. This is the most dramatic reaction I've seen to such a normal thing that just happens for most people.
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u/Awkward_Stage_4352 Pōke Wahine 🌺 1h ago
Well, but it still hurts when you find out that someone you liked and enjoyed isn’t who you thought they were. I know - I was just at the point of making major commitments to a man I’ve been seeing for four months - someone who told me he loved me, wanted an exclusive relationship, and wanted a future- and then I found out he was cheating.
But, hope springs eternal, and, older but wiser, we keep looking, don’t we?
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u/Mysterious-Big-7345 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 57m ago
There’s not enough money in the world that would make me put my kid in danger……no matter big or small. Just never ever would do that.
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u/HurdyNerdy APPROVED✨ 16h ago
Well that's a creative spin on an extortion scam!
I'm skeptical he actually got a cold sore (and curious if there's solid proof he has a son).
That he so quickly and easily pivoted from risk-taker that loves you to pressing you for cash screams scam... possibly he went from bf to scammer when he found out you had cash squirreled away.
Regardless of whether the cold sore story is true, he was an informed, consenting adult from the get-go. It's unfair to press you to be accountable for his choices, and he's doing it because he knows you're conscientious and responsible. So glad you are walking away!