my boyfriend wants to use hinge to make female friends

[u/Specific_Broccoli]

hi girls. tonight we're having drunken udon noodles with a dirty martini because my original dinner was a single olive in said martini and the mods quite reasonably informed me that this does not constitute food 💛 humiliating. anyway, i've acquired noodles. sadly they have done nothing for the boyfriend situation.

i've been with my boyfriend for about a year. a while ago he told me he was going out for drinks with a female friend i'd never heard of before. slightly odd, but fine. women are allowed to exist and i'm not asking for a register of every woman he's ever met.

then completely randomly i found out they'd actually met on hinge before we got together.

this was information he'd somehow neglected to include when describing her as “a friend”.

when i asked him about it, he insisted they'd never dated and had simply become friends. personally i'd consider “we originally matched on a dating app” fairly relevant supporting documentation when telling your girlfriend you're off for drinks with a woman she's never heard of, but perhaps i'm overly committed to administrative transparency.

also: HE arranged the drinks. and she apparently didn't properly know he had a girlfriend either. he'd vaguely mentioned seeing someone but somehow never managed the enormous linguistic undertaking of saying “i have a girlfriend”.

so: former hinge match, drinks he initiated, girlfriend doesn't know their history, hinge woman doesn't really know about girlfriend. extremely efficient system. nobody has the full information except him.

we obviously had a massive row.

and somehow his takeaway from this was to ask whether i'd be okay with him using hinge to find more female friends in the future.

hinge. for female friends.

apparently we're treating the dating app like a local knitting circle now.

he thinks i'm being controlling because he wouldn't be “looking for dates”. i think if you're opening hinge specifically to meet women, we may simply have reached the limits of the english language.

anyway, we're currently barely speaking and he's annoyed that i'm struggling to move past something he insists was completely innocent.

perhaps tomorrow i'll download deliveroo and use it to find a dentist.

am i being unreasonable or has this entire situation gone completely off the rails?

edit: for context, there was actually a whole period before the “hinge for female friends” suggestion where i just felt completely insane for being upset that he'd gone for drinks with a woman, told me basically nothing about her, and i only found out by accident later that they'd originally met on a dating app. i've had jealousy issues before, so i kept telling myself i was being insecure and needed to trust the man who'd always made me feel incredibly loved and secure. then he suggested using hinge to find more female friends and my remaining brain cell finally clocked in for work. apparently i'd overcorrected from “jealous girlfriend” all the way to unpaid defence counsel 💀

[u/RitneySpirs]

Exactly my thoughts. Its been super annoying seeing so many posts like this, annoying in a “cant believe women go through stuff like this and be okay and still be with this fucking loser” sense hahaha

[u/InterestingTry5190 → u/RitneySpirs]

I thought this had to be the circle jerk sub before double checking.

[u/Twidollyn_Bowie → u/InterestingTry5190]

I’m sure something very reminiscent of this post is either there or about to be.

[u/crindy- → u/InterestingTry5190]

I scrolled up thrice thinking it was

[u/144597 → u/InterestingTry5190]

Same

[u/Embarrassed_Put_7892 → u/RitneySpirs]

Ugh I know right. I just want these women to be empowered to absolutely not put up with these complete and utter losers. For me it’s the ones where they share text messages from absolute bellends who talk to them like they’re pieces of shit. Like how DARE they talk to anyone like that?

This is my PSA to all women: have higher expectations of men and higher standards for yourself. Do not accept or tolerate this bullshit behaviour. Do not accept being talked down to. Do not accept being treated like an idiot. Walk. Away.

[u/QueenJillybean → u/Embarrassed_Put_7892]

Girl, these kinds of posts like what you just said, these comments helped me leave. It took years, but they helped.

[u/bistrodelphine → u/RitneySpirs]

For me it's a side-eyed, "Surely this is karma farming."

[u/RitneySpirs → u/bistrodelphine]

You might be right too

[u/DoctorAnnual6823 → u/bistrodelphine]

Preach

Unfortunately the internet is designed in such a way that ragebait has insane engagement and plays into most algorithms.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/BennyVsTheWorld → u/RitneySpirs]

It’s so frustrating because there are some situations where you need a n outside perspective to see things are bad and there are some situations where you should immediately recognize what’s happening is not acceptable. And we are seeing so many of the latter lately. Just, why?

[u/molecule_anteater68 → u/RitneySpirs]

it's harder for people to walk away when women do lose social and professional status not being partnered, especially when more times than not, they're taking a huge financial hit walking away compared to men who walk away. and shit like proving fault for divorce.

no one goes into a relationship wanting to be taken advantage of but girls who have weathered a lifetime of being told they aren't good enough or that they are only loved if they are with a man can't identify loser behavior because the adults in their lives taught them that is what they deserved. people date patterns, not abusers.

so while it is annoying for many of us, it's more tragic than anything. it's honestly brave for some of these women to even post it publicly online for feedback because it means they know in their gut something is wrong, and need to be told by safer people that they deserve better.