my boyfriend wants to use hinge to make female friends

[u/Specific_Broccoli]

hi girls. tonight we're having drunken udon noodles with a dirty martini because my original dinner was a single olive in said martini and the mods quite reasonably informed me that this does not constitute food 💛 humiliating. anyway, i've acquired noodles. sadly they have done nothing for the boyfriend situation.

i've been with my boyfriend for about a year. a while ago he told me he was going out for drinks with a female friend i'd never heard of before. slightly odd, but fine. women are allowed to exist and i'm not asking for a register of every woman he's ever met.

then completely randomly i found out they'd actually met on hinge before we got together.

this was information he'd somehow neglected to include when describing her as “a friend”.

when i asked him about it, he insisted they'd never dated and had simply become friends. personally i'd consider “we originally matched on a dating app” fairly relevant supporting documentation when telling your girlfriend you're off for drinks with a woman she's never heard of, but perhaps i'm overly committed to administrative transparency.

also: HE arranged the drinks. and she apparently didn't properly know he had a girlfriend either. he'd vaguely mentioned seeing someone but somehow never managed the enormous linguistic undertaking of saying “i have a girlfriend”.

so: former hinge match, drinks he initiated, girlfriend doesn't know their history, hinge woman doesn't really know about girlfriend. extremely efficient system. nobody has the full information except him.

we obviously had a massive row.

and somehow his takeaway from this was to ask whether i'd be okay with him using hinge to find more female friends in the future.

hinge. for female friends.

apparently we're treating the dating app like a local knitting circle now.

he thinks i'm being controlling because he wouldn't be “looking for dates”. i think if you're opening hinge specifically to meet women, we may simply have reached the limits of the english language.

anyway, we're currently barely speaking and he's annoyed that i'm struggling to move past something he insists was completely innocent.

perhaps tomorrow i'll download deliveroo and use it to find a dentist.

am i being unreasonable or has this entire situation gone completely off the rails?

edit: for context, there was actually a whole period before the “hinge for female friends” suggestion where i just felt completely insane for being upset that he'd gone for drinks with a woman, told me basically nothing about her, and i only found out by accident later that they'd originally met on a dating app. i've had jealousy issues before, so i kept telling myself i was being insecure and needed to trust the man who'd always made me feel incredibly loved and secure. then he suggested using hinge to find more female friends and my remaining brain cell finally clocked in for work. apparently i'd overcorrected from “jealous girlfriend” all the way to unpaid defence counsel 💀

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[u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

Your boyfriend thinks you’re a big dumb idiot.

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

when i was around 19 (like ten years ago lmao) my bf of 3 years asked me if he could go on tinder and experience other girls and id still be his gf (i would be expected to remain monogamous) because he wanted to marry me but felt that i’d
come too early in his life and didn’t want to miss out. so yeah obviously i blocked him everywhere and he threatened to jump out of a moving car so i had to unblock him just to dump him. anyways he wouldn’t fuck off for like 2-3 years. he came up in my people you may know on ig recently and i looked bc i’m nosey and all he follows are like hundreds/thousands of sex workers (not hating on them) and i’m married and lifes great

i should add i only checked the following bc he followed like thousands of people and i was like got dang how many people do you know😭 record levels of gooning happening there

[u/Limp-Technician-2820 → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

Girl fuck yeah ❤️ you’re living a good life without that lame!!!

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/Limp-Technician-2820]

truly i need to remember these stories more and be happy about where i am now!!😭 i struggle with depression and have for a long time but sometimes i remind myself that my life actually has improved immensely.

[u/nutmegtell → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

Girl.

WTF.

It takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all.

Live your BEST LIFE!!

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/nutmegtell]

Literally getting that sentence tattooed in bold across my chest

[u/GypsyDuncan → u/nutmegtell]

excellent advice

[u/Feeling-Response8810 → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

Men like this are such losers lol let them die alone & hated in peace

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/Feeling-Response8810]

thats such a good saying for the tombstone of the worst guy you know
“died alone and hated.”

[u/sipstea84 → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

I literally broke up with someone for following a ton of OF girls on instagram. Tell yourself whatever you want about why you're doing it, but it gives me the ick that anyone who checks your following list, including your mother and sister, can see exactly what you jerk off to. To me, it's the biggest indicator of a specific type of man, a type I want nothing to do with.

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/sipstea84]

10000000%. At least lock that shit so no one can see it. Idk how to explain it other than.. no couth smh.

[u/unemployedhousecat → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

I also has a similar situation with a guy I was on and off for a couple years from 14-18. They want to experience life bc they are young but we the women were expected to wait until they were ready. He didnt like for me to go to parties or even the park ( everyone hung out the the parks until late back then) without him. I did anyway and I did mess around with other men too and till this day, over 10 years later, ive been with my husband 8 years now, that ex tells people I was an unloyal whore

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/unemployedhousecat]

as you should have girl. truly love that for you. all that tells me is he’s still very much thinking of you if he feels the need to spread that info around. glad you left the loser in the dust.

[u/unemployedhousecat → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

Thank you girl. We got away from losers.

[u/leeloo123 → u/[deleted]]

I understand exactly where you’re at girl. I really hope you find the strength to leave him one day soon. But I know that’s easier said than done. Rooting for you ❤️

[u/Typical2sday → u/[deleted]]

Girl I am seeing you. It was not about you being enough; it was about his BS insecurities and what he believed he’s entitled to as a dude. 🤦🏻‍♀️ There are a lot of good dudes who have stupid periods in the past and that’s an unfortunate reality. Half of pop and rock music wouldn’t exist if this weren’t true.

But this seems to be something you’re not reconciled to, so like the other girl said, I get strong vibes that future you is asking present you to make a harder decision. Either to move on or do harder work to be okay with this on a daily basis. Bc I do believe that lots of people fuck up a some times in life and as much as all of Reddit would like otherwise, not everyone will have A+ interactions every single day. You navigate them. If you just can’t get past it, then future you wants to be unburdened.

[u/Wanderlustwaar → u/[deleted]]

A red flag never turns green. You deserve better.

[u/Scared-Currency288 → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

I was once a fumbler but your ex really takes the cake

[u/shambean2 → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

Good for you!!!

Icl though "I had to unblock him just to dump him" is sending me 😭 I know you were exhausted

[u/damashek → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

He needs to be an ex boyfriend. He still insist on using it and doesn’t understand why you’re upset ?? Girlll

[u/Environmental-Town31 → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

OP, don’t be stupid.

[u/kinkerbelle666 → u/Environmental-Town31]

She did select the capital D Delulu flair but let's reserve that behavior for Reddit antics, not real life 

[u/Sunbro_Kev → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

https://giphy.com/gifs/8lp6CW7K2fdDGn3xCQ

[u/Dreadful-innit → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

Yeah, girl, stay on him. He thinks he can convince you YOU are overreacting and honestly, you seem ridiculously understanding based on the information you shared.

Edit so I don’t have to keep responding individually: yes leave him lol. “Stay on him” was only intended in the sense that you do not let him wear you down into thinking you are the problem here.

Okay, I’m done.

[u/therainbowsweater → u/Dreadful-innit]

alternate option: stay AWAY from him

[u/Dreadful-innit → u/therainbowsweater]

Oh yeah, actually this is a better option.

[u/Jumpy_Television8241 → u/therainbowsweater]

I'm with you on this one - if you have to stay on him, don't. He can go.

[u/lillllpickle → u/Dreadful-innit]

Stay on him?? No she needs to dump his ass. Then he can “make friends” on hinge all he wants

[u/Dreadful-innit → u/lillllpickle]

Y’all are all so correct, I think this post just made me want to argue with a man.

[u/redline_blueline → u/Dreadful-innit]

😂

[u/bubbleslovesfashion → u/Dreadful-innit]

Don’t worry, babe, you’re on Reddit. You’ll find one plenty

[u/CelibateHo → u/Dreadful-innit]

Y’all be fighting too hard to keep trash in y’all’s lives, I’d be like
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

[u/RitneySpirs → u/Dreadful-innit]

- Ridiculously understanding -

[u/quietriotress → u/Dreadful-innit]

Nah. Let him go meet his future female friends and leave her in peace.

[u/HotWaffles5 → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

Yeah he’s definitely using hinge to cheat and that’s the best lie that he came up with

[u/Individual_Donut_963 → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

Can you ask him if you can download hinge to find male friends? I just wanna test a theory.

[u/Lanky_Instance3121 → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

https://giphy.com/gifs/w5C1cNv37LfAkFl12o

[u/bubbleslovesfashion → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

Let’s hope it’s soon-to-be-ex boyfriend

[u/Charming_Garbage_161 → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

Yea my exhusband tried the same shit. He hired hookers from tinder. I like to think I won our divorce

[u/your-professor → u/Illustrious_Pen_5711]

✨he wants a second girlfriend to fuck when his first girlfriend is busyyyy✨

[u/PlantainOk4702]

Girl, with peace and love are you seriously falling for this guy's obvious lie?? 

[u/Adept_Taro_7028 → u/PlantainOk4702]

I literally can’t with some people on this sub anymore. The amount of blatant disrespect I see women put up with, and for what? Just some dude. OP if you insist on staying with this loser just download hinge and make guy friends and be vague about your relationship status too, he will definitely support that.

[u/RitneySpirs → u/Adept_Taro_7028]

Exactly my thoughts. Its been super annoying seeing so many posts like this, annoying in a “cant believe women go through stuff like this and be okay and still be with this fucking loser” sense hahaha

[u/InterestingTry5190 → u/RitneySpirs]

I thought this had to be the circle jerk sub before double checking.

[u/Twidollyn_Bowie → u/InterestingTry5190]

I’m sure something very reminiscent of this post is either there or about to be.

[u/crindy- → u/InterestingTry5190]

I scrolled up thrice thinking it was

[u/Embarrassed_Put_7892 → u/RitneySpirs]

Ugh I know right. I just want these women to be empowered to absolutely not put up with these complete and utter losers. For me it’s the ones where they share text messages from absolute bellends who talk to them like they’re pieces of shit. Like how DARE they talk to anyone like that?

This is my PSA to all women: have higher expectations of men and higher standards for yourself. Do not accept or tolerate this bullshit behaviour. Do not accept being talked down to. Do not accept being treated like an idiot. Walk. Away.

[u/bistrodelphine → u/RitneySpirs]

For me it's a side-eyed, "Surely this is karma farming."

[u/RitneySpirs → u/bistrodelphine]

You might be right too

[u/trekkielvbrekkie → u/Adept_Taro_7028]

Had to leave the r/pregnant sub for this exact reason.

[u/Adept_Taro_7028 → u/trekkielvbrekkie]

That sounds absolutely heartbreaking, I couldn’t imagine.

[u/no_winkles → u/Adept_Taro_7028]

Same. I’m a lesbian who is married to a woman, and I cannot fathom either of us acting like half the men we hear about on this sub. 🤯

If I went up to my wife and asked if I could make friends on Hinge, I do not know what she would do, but it would be scary. 😂

[u/molecule_anteater68 → u/no_winkles]

and it's crazy that he went out of his way to choose HINGE for that instead of BUMBLE BFF. playing in her face so boldly.

[u/marathon_bar → u/Adept_Taro_7028]

OP might be like me and grew up in an extremely dysfunctional environment and therefore never gained relationship intelligence during formative years.

[u/AggressiveGarbage91 → u/marathon_bar]

took me my entire 20s to gain relationship intelligence and grow enough self respect to stop allowing men free passes. and now in my 30s, I've actually grown into my spinster man-hating feelings quicker than anticipated because I am so tired of men's bad behavior being ignored and excused away. I'm in a happy relationship with an amazing, thoughtful man who even apologizes, but most men have me wishing I could burn holes in them with my sight.

[u/AggressiveGarbage91 → u/[deleted]]

all my luck, babe. and remember, every single person on this planet is responsible for managing their own emotions and reactions, bad behavior does not deserve a reward, and you deserve to feel peace and comfort from your loved ones. ✨

[u/Blucey303 → u/PlantainOk4702]

I’m confused why there was even a fight after the beginning incident. There is no way to explain that away. Why is OP even there to hear the ridiculous second statement. He thinks you are dumb and desperate.

[u/Feeling-Response8810]

Tell him that you'll also download the app to look for guy friends.

[u/Usual-Mix-2909 → u/Feeling-Response8810]

And then break up with him and find a new bf on the dating app.

[u/Brief_Isopod_5959 → u/Usual-Mix-2909]

Both of these for sure.

[u/Twidollyn_Bowie → u/Feeling-Response8810]

Tell him this and watch him flip out for a few minutes. Then be like “Just kidding, I’m actually breaking up with you.”

[u/whipppitgod → u/Twidollyn_Bowie]

LOLLL YES!!! this is exactly what OP should do

[u/Mundane-Payment-7362 → u/Feeling-Response8810]

this is the only correct solution lol see how quickly he gets upset.. better yet, just download and meet a hot guy as a “friend”

[u/Feeling-Response8810 → u/Mundane-Payment-7362]

Literally this is the only solution lmao

[u/LL8844773 → u/Feeling-Response8810]

But also, she’s actually dating them… bc she’s broken up with this jerk and is now single

[u/Leather_Following381 → u/Feeling-Response8810]

This but don’t tell him, let the “friend dates” casually come up in conversation.

[u/BaytaDarell2022 → u/Feeling-Response8810]

This is exactly what you should do.
It is a great idea.
This guy is trash. And, statistically, not even the most appealing man cannot get half the offer any woman can get on dating apps. You will feel so full of life and new “friends” that you will see his true colors and it will not even hurt.

[u/Typical-Respond9102]

Girl. Just break up. Even if hes genuine why would you want to date an idiot who thinks dating app women want to meet him to be just friends. 

[u/Scared-Currency288 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

This! I'm almost 100% certain women on Hinge aren't looking for friends

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/Scared-Currency288]

There's a level of socially dumb that's a deal breaker for me. I want a man i can bring out in public, not one so dumb he's constantly embarrassing me in public. 

[u/Scared-Currency288 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

Literally it's like if you're really this dumb I can't risk procreation with you. And if you're just playing dumb please go straight to hell.

[u/randomhotdog1 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

He’s not dumb. He’s laying the groundwork for sexual backups in case his relationship doesn’t work out. 

ETA: And this is being generous, by the way. He may just be planning to cheat.

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/randomhotdog1]

Sure, but op can argue that maybe he's just ignorant and all of you are wrong.

I'm merely pointing out how even if he's 100% genuine, how embarrassing it is to date someone that dumb. 

[u/Ambitious-Mix-4935 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

Yep , it's kind of sad that we have to do so much mental gymnastics to make op realize that this guy is trying to cheat on op with his hinge "girlfriends" when he has literally spelt it out.

[u/procrast1natrix → u/Typical-Respond9102]

There's a very easy way to screen this. Ask him to ask his mom about whether this is "good boyfriend behavior". If he would feel uncomfortable trying to ask his mom about her opinion on it, now he knows it's suspicious as hell, and how to mentally prescreen his future actions.

[u/Ambitious-Mix-4935 → u/procrast1natrix]

Seeing his behavior , I wouldn't be surprised if he's mom is one of those " boy mom's " who see nothing wrong with their dearest son's behavior.

" Oh he really just wants make "FeMaLe fRiEnDs" on hinge yk how shy and innocent he is . He doesn't even know how wash his own assole" - the bf's mom probably.

[u/procrast1natrix → u/procrast1natrix]

Which again, circling back, we don't advocate slander .... But this is a thing that your mutual friends should find out about when they ask why you broke up. It doesn't need to be salacious.

"Girl, WTF happened with you and Dan?" Girl, he was insisting on keeping an active Hinge account supposedly to meet new female friends. He wouldn't give it up, so here we are. C'mon let's go out to the roller skating rink and have fun people watching! It'll be a blast! This weekend are you free to help me box all his stuff up to leave on the front steps? Awesome, thanks!.

[u/Specific_Broccoli → u/Typical-Respond9102]

unfortunately this may be the most compelling argument i've received so far 😭 i've had jealousy issues in past relationships, so i've become genuinely terrible at distinguishing between “this is actually weird” and “you're just being insecure, calm down”. apparently i've overcorrected so spectacularly that i ended up trying to convince myself hinge was a perfectly reasonable place for a man in a relationship to build his little friendship circle.

[u/klv3vb → u/Specific_Broccoli]

Your “jealousy” issue is just your intuition screaming for you to address the elephant in the room.

Trust yourself and get out of this polyamorous asshole relationshit. He’s not choosing you. He’s choosing to see other people and he’s lying to your face about it.

[u/sipstea84 → u/Specific_Broccoli]

Maybe I'm damaged, but I don't understand a man in a relationship going out of his way to cultivate female friendships. I'm not talking about existing friendships, it's psycho shit to expect a man to cut off female friends, but trying to gain new ones? Why? I don't get it. I can understand realizing you have no friends or not enough friends, so go join pickleball and befriend whoever. But to be specifically looking for female friends is weird and gross

[u/Beebeemp → u/sipstea84]

I don't even specifically look for new women to befriend lol. It's weird for a guy to do that. Especially on hinge. Where he's apparently not even telling people he has a gf.

[u/ConfidentHope → u/Specific_Broccoli]

Also, I’d be asking why he’s specifically seeking out FEMALE friends. My boyfriend has women who are friends, but if he was looking for more friends he’d at the very least be looking for friends of all genders, not just women. Very sus.

[u/Liljensoe → u/ConfidentHope]

https://giphy.com/gifs/U56VoSyFD8MFcie2k8

[u/nelamaze → u/Specific_Broccoli]

I like to think that you could raise any issue to a good partner and they would explain. And if you're not okay with it, they should not do it! My point is, a good partner will not want you to feel jealous.

[u/GlitteringContact312 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

Bumble BFF is right there if he actually wanted female friends. Hinge is a dating app and he knows it.

[u/Minimum_News2440 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

just because he's clearly an idiot doesn't mean you have to be

[u/Fearfighter2 → u/Typical-Respond9102]

Yea it's not fair to them

[u/Background_Length926]

genuine question: why would you even consider for a second staying with this person?

[u/Dependent-Truck4389 → u/Background_Length926]

idk if it’s because i’m like aggressive as fuck when it comes to men but i cannot ever let a man make me feel dumb. a woman?? she could eat me up. but pigs will fly before i let a man lay a single toe on my life.

[u/Dragonsong21 → u/Dependent-Truck4389]

Exactly!!!

[u/Sad_Revolution_8886 → u/Background_Length926]

My thought exactly.

[u/sunshinewynter]

He's trying to cheat on you and make it like you were ok with it.

[u/DirtyoldTurtle]

[u/RidleeRiddle → u/DirtyoldTurtle]

I'm wheezing 😂😭 How have I never seen this bahahahah

[u/Mirelloura → u/RidleeRiddle]

I want to use a dating app to make female friends” is certainly a choice. There are plenty of ways to make friends that don't involve matching with people looking for relationships.

[u/Slim_rubi]

No he doesn’t. He wants to use Hinge to pick up women and believes you’re stupid enough to think differently. I’ve been here.
The fact that the girl didn’t know he had a gf

[u/squirrelysister]

Girl…

https://giphy.com/gifs/tCjfy8RstTqbm

(Him, not you)

[u/Humble_Pilot2533 → u/squirrelysister]

Omg RHOP mention

[u/Busy_Izz]

You're clearly way too funny and good for him, obviously a messed up situation but your writing style cracks me up

https://giphy.com/gifs/JQicIiIp6SGWt5x7mj

[u/Potential_Choice_ → u/Busy_Izz]

Was scrolling to find this comment and baffled that it took long.

Sis is a comedian and such a good writer. Anyway DUMP HIS ASS.

[u/bbmaggie → u/Potential_Choice_]

Same!!! I don’t think I’ve audibly huffed this much reading a post before! Part upset, part cackling at your storytelling OP. Dump him obv but please keep writing!

[u/Suspicious-Dingo4406 → u/Busy_Izz]

Yes! OP can write! I’ve never followed a girldinnerdiary post so easily haha

[u/ExpensiveRange139 → u/Suspicious-Dingo4406]

The humor! Was so impressed

[u/ConceptReasonable556 → u/Busy_Izz]

completely came here to say this. OP, if nothing else, you are extremely funny and I wish you much success in what I hope is a long literary career.

[u/SkySong13 → u/Busy_Izz]

She is so funny, he does not deserve based on writing alone.

[u/imma_ninjaaa → u/Busy_Izz]

Lmao i was cracking up at the “apparently we're treating the dating app like a local knitting circle now”

[u/Pitiful-Security-213]

Your boyfriend thinks you’re an idiot he can gaslight.

[u/hot_dare_9212]

It’s a bold move for a boyfriend to tell his girlfriend that he’s actively looking for his next girlfriend on dating apps.

Because that’s what’s happening here.

[u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904]

You know he’s actively dating while he’s with you, right? Hes not looking for female friends, he’s looking for something he thinks is better than you.

[u/XenaWarrior123]

The most offensive thing here is him thinking you’re an absolute idiot.

[u/Constant_Cultural]

https://giphy.com/gifs/LqjxZN2GLdNAY

[u/LePetitNeep]

I am usually first in line to defend mixed gender friendships, but COME ON. Your boyfriend wants to act single, so give him his wish.

[u/curadeio]

I'm sorry baby but your boyfriend genuinely thinks you are slightly stupid and fully wrapped around his fingers. Why would he need to download hinge for female friends?

Why wouldn't he invite you to meet his friend?

Hinge???

Girl I am sorry but you have to get out of it before this is too late he genuinely does not value you or consider you intelligent.

[u/Complete-Law3937 → u/curadeio]

Why does he need to find female friends specifically anyways? His gf is not enough or what? Hinge or not that sentence in itself is very sus

[u/subbo745]

I HATE when the comments jump to ‘you need to dump him’ but this is a fireable offense in my book. You’re so much better off without someone literally playing in your face. He doesn’t deserve you when he treats you like you’re disposable.

[u/ThinAndCrispy4]

https://giphy.com/gifs/MwOuiiTfWfWgM

[u/Okgoodchat]

https://giphy.com/gifs/H5iz8vPzfaYBr0dWK1

[u/strangeloop414]

He wants you to move past him being on a dating app? There are literal apps to make friends, why would he need a dating app for it? he's gaslighting you to the extreme and he should be so embarrassed. He's calling you controlling because manipulative people use DARVO to make the other person feel ashamed or confused.

[u/Environmental_Ad4781]

Say "I've given it some thought and we both should do this. I could use more male friends, it sounds like a great idea" and then actually do it.

Create a profile, tell him it's completely innocent and then leave him for the better guy you find on a DATING APP!!!

[u/TueboEmu315 → u/Environmental_Ad4781]

This is diabolical, and I'm here for it lol

[u/OkPerformance9536]

https://giphy.com/gifs/9G3wg7lH5DpxC

[u/thecheesycheeselover]

But also, you’re a good storyteller.

[u/PlantsAreFriends123 → u/thecheesycheeselover]

Agreed, I was giggling

[u/OrchidFine1335 → u/thecheesycheeselover]

Omg i love this pic 😂😂

[u/antici________potato]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ni4cpi0uUkd6U

[u/kinkerbelle666]

This is next level gaslighting wow. Aside from springing this on you with zero heads up, the least he could have done is decide to use Bumble Friends, specifically. Or even claim to while secretly using something else. But he didn't. Why? We all know why. 

ETA: He thinks you're comfortable enough with him now to allow him to play right in your face. He's testing your tolerance levels. Please proudly fail this stupid assessment of his 😂😭

[u/Responsible_Glove239]

Ask to use his Venmo account to “learn about finance”, send yourself $500 and break up with him

[u/Dependent-Truck4389]

can you please make my day and block this man and never speak to him again? i think women should ghost their long term relationships more when they’re this fucking bad. i don’t even need to tell you why that’s wrong. we all know it.

[u/Shnarglepuff]

This is why I can't date toxic people, because it brings out the toxic in me. My FIRST thought is that I'd say "Absolutely. Go make friends, don't let me stop you." And then I'd start making friends on Hinge, too. Specifically male friends, that buy me dinner and drinks. 🥰 We're all just friends here, it's okay!!

[u/Shnarglepuff → u/Shnarglepuff]

But like.. you should probably just leave him, though. 😅

[u/blondguysdmme]

and you believe him? lol

[u/hotdogs2222222]

this is completely insane for 100000 reasons. there’s no way he’s dumb enough to not get why that’s a huge issue, but if he is that dumb, that’s a whole separate issue. how would he feel if you wanted to use hinge to find male friends?

[u/faesser]

I'm sorry your boyfriend thinks you're an idiot.

[u/Darkspire303]

Why haven't you left him at this point?

[u/Moon-Foraging]

I admire your linguistic humor and storytelling skills girl because what the fuck.

ETA: I can tell you’ve more brains than him. You KNOW you’re better than this.

[u/DuckInAFountain → u/Moon-Foraging]

[u/SunnyLisle]

The fact that you haven't immediately ended things is bewildering to me. He's fucking with you and giggling about how stupid you are being (sorry bb but it's true). Leave and never look back.

[u/hilariouslystated → u/SunnyLisle]

Reddit has shown me that women just date any man regardless of what he does.

[u/Full-Rice-9287]

Please leave. You can’t control his bullshit, but you can control what you tolerate. So don’t tolerate this.

[u/lapisvelvet]

there’s no way that you believe him lmao no way

[u/Cloudelleex → u/lapisvelvet]

Hinge is literally a dating app. Wanting to use it specifically to meet women while in a relationship is obviously going to raise questions.

[u/ieatether]

why would he specifically be seeking out female friends? you’re being played. i’m so sorry girl

[u/Xylorgos]

YOU think you're in a committed relationship, but HE doesn't. He's dating other women. Time to acknowledge that this guy wants to be a player, and he expects you to stay at home and wait for him, in case his date doesn't go as well as he would like.

What are you waiting for? What does this relationship offer you that you can't live without? Anything? At all?

Things are not going to get better from here. He's a pig and he's thinking he can emotionally abuse you into accepting this horrible relationship. Time to break free.

[u/Kumbaynah]

The audacity of this fucken clown.
Concocting an extremely poor and thinly veiled plan to meet women is one thing, but treating you like you’re dumb enough to buy his cretinous story is another.

Please, I beg you: play it v v v cool, then in a couple weeks say you’re going out with a guy friend from school or whatever, get cute, go out. Return home, act normal. Sit next to him on the couch and smile at your phone. When he asks who/what/when mumble something about Bumble friends and watch his puny cogs turn. Then definitely break up with him.

[u/Intelligent-Fix-9181]

girl no. his shopping for a new girl. he aint shopping for shoes, bare foot.

[u/Tina_Tries]

How do I say this, it comes off as if he is looking for something better. Fuck that dude, you deserve better!!!

[u/throwRAanons]

Is this rage bait?! Absolutely wild take from him. Obviously not okay to go on a dating app to find friends while in a relationship (and also, the other people on there aren’t looking for friends?). He’s testing boundaries in a way that I would NOT be comfortable with

[u/cutesiepieme]

The level of narcissism one must have, to use the “friends” excuse to use dating apps while in a relationship…. and thinking they should get away with it 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/JustALittleCornball]

lol…he’s an idiot and those are dates he’s going on. Sorry babe, he isn’t your bf. He’s for the streets…

[u/master0jack]

Tell him you're using tinder to meet new male mates and will be going to the pub with one of them, see how he reacts.

He's a dunce, and he is playing you for a fool. This is not the behaviour of somebody who loves and values you.

[u/gender_noncompliant]

He's playing in your face and it would be very embarrassing for you if you stay any longer.

[u/KoolaidKoll123]

Girl. Find those brain cells and your dignity, pack up and leave. He seems to be hiding both from you 😭

[u/HWBINCHARGE]

My ex claimed to be using dating apps to "make friends" as well. He was a sociopath who seemed to enjoy just how much he could get away with. I was trauma bonded so it was a lot.

[u/smutprincess69]

Babygirl I'd give you advice but it sounds like you know damn well what is up here. Trust that feeling.

Also I find it fucking weird that he not only wants to use a dating app to make friends but also specifically female friends??? Like bro is not even trying to come off as less of a creep.

[u/Mountain-Proof-9189]

He probably already has hinge and has matched with other women and is scared you might find out so he’s suggesting it now lol

[u/bonkers-asparagus]

bro am i the only one who thinks these posts are ai?

[u/Calm_Librarian_1042 → u/bonkers-asparagus]

I am about to mute this whole sub because constantly it is just women or bots asking such stupid shit.

The sub could be non existent if most of the people who posted here read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/xrLUWTWLuz

[u/Spaceman_fan → u/bonkers-asparagus]

Thank you I had to scroll way too far for this. It’s absolutely got that smug AI “humour” all through it

[u/black_bean_catterole → u/bonkers-asparagus]

At the very least, engagement bait. Because there’s no way anyone sits back and thinks this is remotely okay, not even the dumbest, youngest, and most insecure of us. Be so for real.

[u/dowagersanddragons]

No, you're not overreacting. That's weird af. Frankly, dunno if this makes me controlling??? but I wouldn't be cool with my hubby just "going out for drinks" with some chick. Is that weird? Like why am I not invited if y'all are just friends? Pretty sure my hubby would find that weird af too

[u/Tired-Raccoon-87]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ny0UL3rHIzBFKRqwR5

[u/sailforth]

No your boyfriend is full of shit. Please end things with this dude.

[u/lovebeervana]

lmao, deliveroo for a dentist. Your humor tells me you’ll survive this idiot

[u/Odd-Faithlessness705]

Girl. He thinks you're dumb.

[u/TALKTOME0701]

Let's just test it. Download hinge, tell him you signed up to find some male friends. 

Make sure you tell him after you've arranged your first "friendship meeting" because now you know hinge isn't just for dating and hookups

He should be absolutely fine with that

[u/Environmental-Town31]

OP. Don’t be stupid.

-Most people don’t actively seek friendships of the opposite sex.
-the ones who do don’t do it in dating sites
-he’s not looking for friends (obvi)
-he doesn’t care about you he just doesn’t want to lose free sex before he finds his next person

[u/kiiwiilover]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

[u/Ecstatic-Highway-246]

So he’s okay with you using Hinge to find some male friends, right? ;-)

[u/Faithfuldoglover]

He’s pretending to be your boyfriend while still shopping around. You deserve better. (Your deadpan delivery had me chuckling while sympathizing.)

[u/Anxious-Location4935]

this is genuinely disgusting and the clear answer and resolution to this is obvious. he will cheat on you and clearly has, just leave ffs.

[u/8373738931]

Why would you want to stay with a man like this? Come on girl.

[u/Delicious-Candle-574]

https://giphy.com/gifs/prRxmYo8MjkjUe9TFu

[u/BumblebeeAdorable294]

He’s trying to manipulate you. Why are men like this. Dating in this era is horrible (currently in this process of trying to find my person)

[u/kittycat8204]

Dump his ass, this is not anything to tolerate. He’s a POS.

[u/Lanky_Bobcat_6021]

tell him he can use grindr if he wants to find friends

[u/sardineparfait]

LOL. Lmao. Come on.

[u/Key-Wolverine-7579]

Mods are right. 3 olives is dinner. 1 is just sad. But in all seriousness Id say ok let's have dinner all together and see how that goes.

[u/ohaitharr]

First off, your writing skills are amazing and you are very funny. Second off, throw the whole man away. You know this, we know this.

[u/nemat0der]

Do you look like Boo Boo the Fool?

[u/kimhwayoung]

regardless if he agrees about your point, he's trying to make you feel bad for not agreeing with him. this is gaslighting. he's saying you're overreacting and trying to frame it as him being innocent and that you're making a big deal over nothing.

if my partner were to ever dismiss my feelings like that they would no longer be my partner. this is year one. imagine how compounded these types of dismissals will feel over the years, by year 10, are you going to be happy in this relationship with all the weight of feeling like your feelings don't matter and that you're over reacting?

your feelings are valid, i'd be pissed if my partner was using a dating app to find opposite sex friends. he can have friends who are women but to go on a dating app? who cares if he's using it as "friends" the women who he's matching with are using it for dating.

you're in for a very long miserable ride if you stick with this guy. big picture, he's not the one.

[u/jnjs232]

Girl!!!!! What are you doing?

https://giphy.com/gifs/JsPer4RgjEK7uWEjua

[u/chubbybabyxoxoxo]

I hate this shit. It’s not technically cheating but he’s keeping his options open because he wants to pad his ego with female attention. I’m sure he loves you and he’s justifying it to himself. People don’t wake up planning to be the villain in your story, but he cares more about what he wants than making you feel safe. I know you love him but I’d just move on. This is a year in and he’s making excuses. Who will he be 10 years in? Save yourself and enormous waste of time and let him have all the female friends he wants.

[u/Street_Giraffe5772]

He is for the streets. Set him free to make all the friends on Hinge his heart desires. You deserve better.

[u/ImJustHere4TheCatz]

This isn't even him trying to cheat on her... He's probably been doing that from the start. This is him trying to segue this into a threesome.

Next he'll be asking for a threesome, with another woman of course, and/or maybe even an open relationship. Which is fine if that's what you're cool with. But I don't think OP is cool with that and I don't blame her. And I also suspect OP has given her boyfriend absolutely zero reason to believe she'd be into that, either.

[u/Resident-Motor-5967]

No no nope. He’s meeting women on a dating app for drinks? Girl, he is a cheater who is auditioning your replacements. Just breakup now

[u/SubstantialLocal9437]

1) Hinge is a DATING app. Why doesn’t he go on GRINDR to meet guy friends then?
2) If she were a friend, he would be open with her about having a girlfriend.

In no way is this OK, and the fact that he either doesn’t get this, is willfully obtuse, or flat-out gaslighting you is the most unacceptable part.

[u/Few_Beach1970]

Is he for real???? He’s definitely looking around. I don’t even think there’s an option on hinge for women and men to meet as friends.
Please tell me you have a plan for this. Be so fucking for real

[u/Flufferfluff]

Oh girlie pop, he’s clearly lying to you (and you can see through his bs according to your post). Do yourself a favor and leave him, like yesterday.

[u/redhothoneypot]

You’re not being unreasonable. It would be normal to join an app like MeetUp and then possibly make female friends. Being in a relationship while actively on a dating platform is not compatible with success or, as you’ve stated, your desires.

[u/StateLarge]

So he went on a date with another girl and wants to know if he can continue to date other women under the guise of finding female friends 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

[u/SultryRind]

You need to dump him which is unfortunate for him because you are so witty and hilarious and he’s an idiot for fumbling so hard. Can’t wait for the follow up where you get on Hinge and meet someone who actually deserves you. Wishing you the best 🩷

[u/Winter_Box_1162]

https://giphy.com/gifs/5dvQbE4IIvmNyH4RBj

[u/jojopriceless]

If you're trying to stay in a relationship with him and insist that he not use Hinge to meet female friends, then you actually are being controlling. He's for the streets. It's time to set him free. 🕊️

[u/paintlulus]

Why are you putting up with this? He needs female friends? It’s for sex. Don’t be so naive. He needs you for regular sex when others are not available. He gave you the title of “girlfriend “ but he’s not treating you like one

[u/julietides]

No, he doesn't. And you don't believe this either.

[u/FairyFartDaydreams]

He is lying, you know he is lying. Ask yourself is he worth gaslighting yourself into thinking he is a good boyfriend.

[u/RitneySpirs]

Oh boy, the things women nowdays are willing to put up to… I get you want to vent and find advise but this should be so obvious to you…