r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 5h ago
Reports of heavy shelling at the peanut factory.
18
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 10m ago
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and thought "that's not a fair trade."
•
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 12m ago
I impressed Mick Jagger when I killed two stones with one bird.
•
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/richlife4evr • 11h ago
Should it really take a doctor to tell you that the presence of forehead wrinkles is directly linked to an iron deficiency?
8
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/breck • 4h ago
I don't know how all the rocks started, but I know every human started with a Big Bang.
1
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Gotbeerbrain • 22h ago
There are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
39
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Ashamed-Pressure7009 • 1d ago
Before counting was invented, every joke could be a one-liner!
16
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Ashamed-Pressure7009 • 2d ago
I saw an introvert building an igloo, I wanted to help but couldn't break the ice!
12
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/breck • 3d ago
The scavenger hunt people got upset when I arrived with a dead vulture but its their fault for figurative language.
7
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/LordNoLifeee • 2d ago
Look at the happy moron, he doesn’t give a damn. I wish I were a moron… my gosh, perhaps I am!
2
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 4d ago
If you're here for the yodeling lessons, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.
129
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 4d ago
The only time my wife doesn't moan is during intercourse.
13
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/LostBetsRed • 5d ago
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
102
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 5d ago
There's a nudist convention in town this weekend, I might go if I've got nothing on.
33
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Alternative-Car5727 • 5d ago
Paid too much for Duracells so I threw them back at the seller, I was charged for battery
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/ehisadmin • 5d ago
I'm forced to use MapQuest because I have directile disfunction.
7
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 6d ago
If Special K is so special, why do you need to add sugar, chocolate or red berries to stop it tasting like chipboard?
12
Upvotes