r/humor • • 7h ago

Make it make sense

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u/seph187 5h ago

Satan despises God. He hates Him, and he wants to harm Him in any way he can but it turns out God is God, and invincible and eternal and omnipotent.

Man has free will. Man can choose to follow God, or to eschew Him.

God loves all His little humans, each with an infinite portion of His infinite heart. He wants us all to come home to Him.

This is where Satan found the way to hurt God, in theory.

In claiming our souls, Satan denies God what He wants.

Is there torture in hell? No, as u/onioning mentioned, hell is defined in the theology as the absence of God. But, for Satan, that's enough.

Hope that helps.

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u/RyanNick86 4h ago

Satan wasn't a god hater in the original lore. He was a heavenly prosecutor who tested humanity. God had a court system in heaven, and Satan sat at the prosecutor's table. Satan wasn't some independent evil entity. He was just a guy doing his job.

But then some human named Jesus came along, borrowed mythos and writings from his culture to start his own cult. He ended up ret-conning some stuff, mostly because the Hellenistic belief systems at the time, so that satan got a new occupation and identity.

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u/seph187 4h ago

Could be all that happened. But I'm more talking about right now in the "timeline". This is where we are today, and what drives things, based on modern church teachings.

And yeah, I probably should have said that it all might be taken with a grain of salt. Nobody *knows* anything. It's *all* theory.

Personally, I don't have an idea of what Lucifer did when he was on the "good" side. I've heard General of His armies, too. (But why did He need armies!?)

One of the things that most interests me is the *why*. Assuming that Lucifer was one thing, and he's now the other thing, without any kind of Hellenistic changes, right? What could push Lucifer over that edge, to turn against God, and to be cast out of Heaven with his host of angels? What influence would cause that, could cause that?

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u/The_Fink_Ployd 3h ago

Theology isn’t theory. It’s theology. The study of made-up stories. You could technically produce a theory based on theology, but scripture is never evidence, it’s always the claim.

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u/HewSpam 2h ago

What do you mean? Proof of the Bible is literally in the Bible!

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u/TraditionDear3887 1h ago

The bible has surprisingly little to say about Satan

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u/tacobaeKL 1h ago

Chat get said it better than me', Saying the "proof of the Bible is in the Bible" relies on a concept called circular reasoning or internal consistency, combined with a theological worldview.

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u/HewSpam 43m ago

You know if you explain the joke it becomes less funny

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u/tacobaeKL 0m ago

I didn't catch the joke because I personally know several people who very much belive that statement-

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u/Felix_William2009 15m ago

Materialism suffers from the same circular logic as well. When people say existence came as a result of physical process, how can that be when physical things, but their very definition, already exist?

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u/tacobaeKL 2m ago

The way you pose that questions it's as if there are two options, belive the Bible or believe materialism. I think it's foolish as a human to think you know with certainty how the universe came to be and if there is an afterlife. Religion serves a purpose in some people's lives, others are completely fine with the unsolvable mysteries of life.

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u/Agreeable-Fly-1980 10m ago

Gonna need more than that

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u/MaskedFigurewho 2h ago

Are you saying according to biblical lore that Jesus is a false messiah?

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u/sevenut 2h ago

I mean, if you're a Jew, Jesus was a false Messiah and they had the same book at the time

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u/TlNYfartBOX 1h ago

Not true, a majority of Jews believed he WAS the Messiah. The Sanhedrin didn’t want to lose their power, thus had him killed…and then their temple was destroyed, and thus started Rabbinic Talmudic Judaism, which is where we are at today.

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u/sevenut 1h ago

Do you have a source for that claim? I can't find anything. I don't doubt there were some groups of Jews that believed Jesus was the Messiah, but I have a hard time believing it was the majority opinion. Especially because Jesus wasn't the only person claiming to be messiah

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u/MysteryPerker 1h ago

The Bible has a lot of shared old testament books between Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. The old testament prophecy claims a Messiah will come along to save humanity. For Christians, this is Jesus. For Islam, this is Mohammed. For Judaism, they think the Messiah hasn't come yet.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 2h ago

not at all, most of what Jesus said, could be found in the old testament. The more you read the old testament, it becomes surprisingly similar to a lot of the the things Jesus later went around preaching.

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u/-Altephor- 1h ago

Turns out the guy who made the new testament mostly preached the old testament, which was the only testament at the time he was preaching it.

You don't say...

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u/TlNYfartBOX 1h ago

I’m sure you’re unhappy with your life 😑

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u/_thegnomedome2 1h ago

Satan was often said to be a Cherubim, the sect of angels dedicated to guarding the throne of God. Essentially God's right hand guys. Satan thought himself to be better than God, and so he rebelled against him, and he was cast to hell, and then began tempting humanity with sin on earth

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u/Esoteric_Derailed 1h ago

So you're saying it's just a re-run of a sit-com with some situational changes on account of this new character Jesus?

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u/Running4Badges 3h ago

Satan loves God. There is plenty of scripture that’s basically just his letters to God.

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u/someonesgottadoit1 3h ago

So God is so weak that he can’t do anything about Satan tempting everyone?

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u/Thebeardinato462 3h ago

I think that’s where free will comes into play. If you are spared from the option of sin, are you really free? Isn’t that’s just the illusion of choice?

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u/Amazing-War3760 2h ago

"It's all part of gods plan!!!!"

Free will... according to christians DOESN'T exist.

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u/Inevitable_Cheek_974 2h ago

Free will just exists as something to point at when they have no compelling argument.

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u/Late_Refrigerator_51 2h ago

Denomination dependent

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u/Thebeardinato462 2h ago

Eh, I think that’s a little reductive. Overall though, I’m agnostic and don’t care enough to engage further about semantics.

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u/Esoteric_Derailed 1h ago

So God, our creator, gave us the option of disappointing him, and when we do, we get punished for it🤷‍♂️

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u/HereReluctantly 3m ago

And frankly he built some people way more likely to disappoint him then others, or put them in situations that would likely cause them to disappoint him. Super cool God!

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u/HereReluctantly 3m ago

Ok, why can't they have free will without the risk of eternal damnation? If God is all powerful, he could just remove the consequence in eternity. Either God is cool with it because sinners deserve it or he isn't all powerful.

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u/Present-Dog-1383 2h ago

There’s a prophecy in the Bible that says god throws satan into eternal lake of fire or something one day. Then comes judgment day when it’s all reset. I can’t remember  

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 2h ago

He does do something, and already has. God is outside of space time, He sees and is the beginning and the end.

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u/Read2Fap 1h ago

god judges, he's the one who decides where you go, and what happens to you there

satan was made to tempt people, it was literally just doing what it was programmed to do

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u/69redditfag69 55m ago

God is playing minecraft. Do you really want to play in creative mode all the time?

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u/Heart_ofthe_Bear 3h ago

Big thing missing here is thar Lucifer and Satan are two completely different figures as well.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

There really isn't a Lucifer, its only mentioned once as a jab at some Babylonian King who fell.

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u/bloodybaths 3h ago

Okay but if God is omnipotent. Why doesn't he just destroy satan? Seems a bit weird to let just evil room around like thats. Especially if he infinity loves us. Wouldnt he want to prevent us getting hurt?

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u/Amazing-War3760 2h ago

If god is Omnipotent... How the fuck did he forget how he made adam and had to Xerox him and then transition the clone to make Eve?

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u/bloodybaths 2h ago

Because le funny. Also why did he make animals without limbs. Seems linda fucked up to give every animal limbs and then to just fuck snakes over

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u/Amazing-War3760 2h ago

Even the serpent he managed to fuck up. Seriously.. Supposedly the serpent was cursed to slither on the ground(eat dust) for all eternity.. yet we have jumping snakes, tree snakes, gliding snakes.

Sounds like that curse didn't hold very well did it?

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u/Natalwolff 1h ago

We got snakes that swim like pros out here, living their best sea life.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

he didn't forget? What are you talking about?

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

Satan doesn't hurt anyone, humans hurt themselves

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u/bloodybaths 1h ago

If his existence tempts humans to do bath thinfs then he very much hurts people just indirectly

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

He tempted Jesus, who is God, so he tempted man and God. Which hopefully allows you to think about it more. But also, another point, if you commit a crime in any modern 1st world country, if your defense was that some third party tempted you to do, it doesn't absolve you of doing that crime.

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u/Natalwolff 1h ago

If the state was able to remove all desire to commit crime at will, and the only source of crime was some dude running around tempting people who they just allowed to do that, then I would think it a very reasonable defense, and I would consider any state that disagreed to be corrupt and immoral.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

Jesus gave man authority over Satan. So yea the state is corrupt and immoral, and that state is made up of only humans.

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u/Natalwolff 1h ago

No, I think most 1st world states in the real world are incredibly moral by biblical standards. Hypothetically, if they acted more like God, they would become corrupt and immoral.

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u/babyleili 1h ago

My theory is that the mechanism by which God offers humans free will also introduces chaos into what would ostensibly be an otherwise orderly world. The place where free will enters is also a place where evil can enter.

As a result God cannot wholly remove evil without also negating the chaos that makes free will possible. We cannot be both free and controlled at the same time.

Thus, most of the work of limiting evil in the world is on us. We must use our ability to choose to choose good.

(I’m not religious, but I enjoy theology and philosophy and the like.)

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u/HereReluctantly 1m ago

So God is not all powerful then. I like this lore much better than what is proposed. There are tradeoffs for everything. If I believe in religion this would hit way better for me. Like God is a powerful entity but the laws of the universe still exist.

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u/Relative_Flamingo804 2h ago

But what about us demons?

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u/0bakee 2h ago

"God," says Epicurus, "either wants to remove evils, but cannot; or he can, but does not want to; or he does not want to and cannot; or he wants to and can. If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent; which is inadmissible in God. If he can, but does not want to, he is envious; which is also alien to God. If he does not want to and cannot, then he is envious and impotent; and this too cannot be attributed to God. If he wants to and can, which alone is proper to God, then where do evils come from? Or why does he not remove them?

— Lactantius, On the Wrath of God

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u/Nosdunk524 2h ago

God loves all His little humans, each with an infinite portion of His infinite heart. He wants us all to come home to Him.

Why does he kill so many children if he loves them?

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u/Spooky_Celebration 2h ago

Because God is the original domestic abuser toxic partner family annihilator. Just worship him unconditionally and he won’t get mad at you. Until he does.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

abusers don't kill their victims though, so bad analogy. God is slow to anger, God didn't do anything or lay a finger to any nations like Sodom and Gomorrah or the neighboring kingdoms for hundreds of years. He left them alone for generations as they grew a culture of child sacrifices, rape, etc., until God had enough and wiped them out. Hardly abuser behavior at all, in fact He is the destroyer of abusers.

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u/Spooky_Celebration 1h ago

Domestic abusers never kill their victims?? You’ve never heard of an abusive boyfriend or ex stalking and killing someone?

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

an abuser abusees their victims for a long time, and then may kill them. God leaves kingdoms alone for hundreds of years, giving them a chance to change, and when they don't, wipes them out. That is not abuser behavior. It's just a bad analogy.

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u/EphemeralSun 1h ago

Imagine being created for the sole purpose of being raped and killed so that your suffering exists as justifications for the death of your rapist/murderer.

Imagine exalting someone who does this.

Suggesting that a flawless deity has anger is paradoxical anyhow, but consistency was never religion's strong suit.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

>Imagine being created for the sole purpose 

there is a life after death, there is resurrection, so "sole purpose" is a gross assumption on your part.

So yes we exalt someone who has power over death. In atheism, people are born into suffering with no justification and you exalt yourself over that fact, talk about calling the kettle black.

>Suggesting that a flawless deity has anger is paradoxical anyhow, but consistency was never religion's strong suit.

anger is only a flaw for man. The point of the bible isn't that actions in themselves are evil or good, but that man wrongfully tries to become like God in ways that are wrong. It's actually pretty consistent. Our first sin wasn't that we did bad actions, it was that we tried to be like God in a self exalting way.

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u/EphemeralSun 1h ago

"Sole purpose" isn't a gross assumption.

It is a logical implication based on the assumption that God exists according to Abrahamic theology.

"There is life after death" is an assumption.

Atheism has no exaltation of any entity. Atheism is the default. No one is born with irrational beliefs. Irrational beliefs are manufactured. This is quintessential strawman's fallacy.

You just said God is slow to anger in your previous comment. This implies a flawed god. You have sinned. Go repent.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 1h ago

>"Sole purpose" isn't a gross assumption.

>It is a logical implication based on the assumption that God exists according to Abrahamic theology.

>"There is life after death" is an assumption.

Not according to the Bible, Jesus promised resurrection. Even the Pharisees believed in resurrection, while the Sadducees didn't. So even the Jews, sans Jesus, were split on the idea.

>Atheism has no exaltation of any entity

you exalt yourself, you worship your own intelligence, your personality, your desires, dreams, goals, etc. If you are going to sit there and lie to me then there really isn't a point to this conversation.

>You just said God is slow to anger in your previous comment. This implies a flawed god. You have sinned. Go repent.

how? what flaw? It doesn't imply that at all. Anger in itself is not a sin in the bible. You are saying God is flawed.

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u/EphemeralSun 58m ago

If you can't see how "there is life after death" is an assumption, you lack the rationality to have a meaningful discussion. If you can't see how simply saying "the Bible says so" is insufficient evidence, then there's no further discussion to be had.

I'm not attack you as a person, but I am pointing out flaws in your belief. Your response with an ad hominem attack on my character should highlight the nature of your belief. You have no evidence regarding my character; only beliefs about it that help you feel more secure in your own positions. Again, think about this: isolated tribes with no contact to the outside world, do not believe in Abrahamic gods. It requires someone to "spread the gospel." This is the same with all religions. Ergo, atheism is the default. People are born atheists, until someone incepts the idea of religion.

Finally, a perfect god makes no mistakes. Anger is a response when something does not happen the way you desire something to happen. A perfect god's will is absolute; everything happens the way god intends it to happen. If that is the case, anger could never happen. If you suggest that a god can anger, then god's will is not absolute. It's incredibly straightforward.

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u/Sweet_Pain4369 39m ago

Well, the “Bible said so” part is literally what you were criticizing in the first place. So you can’t really have it both ways. You can’t criticize something in the Bible based on an out-of-context reading, and then, when the actual context is brought up, respond with “nuh uh, none of that is real.” If the Bible is going to be the basis of the criticism, then the context of what the Bible actually says has to matter too. So you may think you are pointing out flaws in my belief, but fail to actually do it correctly.

>Anger is a response when something does not happen the way you desire something to happen

Why does God's anger entail a change in God's will rather than a change in God's relation to the object of an unchanging will?

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u/Natalwolff 1h ago

Have you ever heard of postpartum psychosis? It's not his fault and he isn't doing anything wrong, he just doesn't have the support he needs.

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u/PenisSlipper 2h ago

Makes sense as a campfire story to tell children

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u/ParamedicDifferent44 2h ago

So hell is just a chill place where all the atheists can hang out?

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u/HewSpam 1h ago

Yup all the terrible people like Einstein, Spinoza, Plato, Darwin, Turing, Hawking, Lennon and many many more. They’re all in hell.

Conquerors and mass murderers like Constantine, Charlemagne, Leopold, Slaveowners like John Newton, and even Jeffrey Dahmer would all be in heaven though.

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u/Vivid-Ad6462 2h ago

This doesn't answer his question. Cool story.

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u/Sensitive-Cry-6566 2h ago

doesnt help at all, where are you getting your information from? which bible, it isnt in the ones i have

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u/Prestigious-Vast3407 2h ago

People don’t actually believe this bullshit do they? 😂

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u/RockPaperOwFire 2h ago

Religion is so dumb because with any critical thought this entire comment falls apart. It relies on you to not critically think.

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u/tardyceasar 1h ago

It’s so funny that I can’t distinguish people talking about Christianity or WH40K.

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u/MiOWNd 1h ago

No it doesn't. None of it makes sense because it's a staccato religion scam.

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u/Right_Secret1572 1h ago

Hell isn't even remotely biblical.

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u/seph187 1h ago

That's true. Hell is explained in the Catechism, not the Bible. From §1033, "To die in mortal sin without repenting and accepting God's merciful love means remaining separated from him for ever by our own free choice. This state of definitive self-exclusion from communion with God and the blessed is called 'hell.'"

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u/Altruistic_Koala_122 1h ago

Satan doesn't despise God, Satan wanted to be elevated to the same level as a God. He wanted all the glory of being God.

If we go by first testament, God does not like people. He's picky and has his favorite pets. second testament is more on a human level, we need people growing food to stay alive so be nice to each other and stop putting peoples heads on pikes sort of thing.

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u/Natalwolff 1h ago

All powerful, omnipotent God: Sends people to hell
Satan: I'm going to hurt them in here, as you know, and as I've discussed
God: NOOOOOO!!!!

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u/Bumbymoo 1h ago

If he wants to hurt god, Satan closes down hell and leaves humanity alone. This act nullifies free will and just shuts down the whole Christian equation. When Satan no longer plays along, and leaves humanity alone, God doesn't need to save anyone, Jesus died for nothing, and the whole absurdity comes to a halt.

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u/DesignerGoose5903 1h ago

So... hell is just earth?

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u/Superman246o1 1h ago

Is there torture in hell? No

"But what if there was?" ~Dante

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u/evthingisawesomefine 1h ago

I can’t tell if you’re religious or a logical philosopher

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u/TraditionDear3887 1h ago

And yet, the Bible itself is conspicuously silent on any of that

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u/VenturaDreams 1h ago

If God exists, there is no free will. You can't have an omnipotent and omniscient God and also have beings that have free will. Those two ideas don't mix.

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u/DonkeyComfortable711 1h ago

earth is hell

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u/Ok-Budget3225 1h ago

If there is no torture in hell, then why is it depicted as a place of eternal punishment?

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u/book-scorpion 1h ago

"Satan denies God what He wants"
That sounds like God isn't that powerful after all

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u/made-of-questions 58m ago

God loves all His little humans

Bam! Eternal torture with no chance of redemption! There you go humans, I love you sooooo much!

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u/Osirus1156 50m ago

So like. Maybe Satan is actually freeing those people from a bad influence then. 

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u/Toadsted 44m ago

God denied them first....

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u/Consistent-Salt-1460 43m ago

Every day I get reminded that religious people are just bat-shit crazy.

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u/InquisitorMeow 37m ago

But how does this hurt God when this was all part of his plan to begin with?

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u/Nameless_Ghoul1891 35m ago

I can't believe grown ass adults believe is this foolishness.

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u/Ultracooley23 33m ago

Idk why god has to be a dick about it, just leave people who don’t care about it alone. There’s no point in torturing people unless you’re inherently evil and vindictive.

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u/Longjumping-Ad-9444 28m ago

So Satan is stronger than god when in regards of claiming humans who have sin?

Like in that regard even if god wanted us, he cant touch us, cause our sin gives Satan more power than God?

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u/Imaginary-Throat1526 27m ago

Thats one version. The idea that gods right hand immortal angel who knew god best, and his power, would start a war he knew he could never win, strikes me as a little hard to believe.

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u/mortraineyhat 20m ago

Satan sounds like me. I absolutely loathe God too, or at least the idea of a god that says he loves us but puts us in the hell we know as life. If you love someone, you don’t hurt them.

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u/Eastern-Gap7819 19m ago

You might be stupid .

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u/Felix_William2009 18m ago

You mentioned free will. What's your definition of freedom?

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u/Routine-Arm-8803 13m ago

Is God all knowing?

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u/sotired3333 12m ago

which religion? In Islam it's a place of eternal torture. Your skin is burned off and regrown, women are hung from their breasts

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u/Agreeable-Fly-1980 11m ago

But God sent us there.

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u/Turdferguson213 9m ago

Satan was made up and inserted somewhere down the line...fun fact "hell" literally just translates to "grave" 😂

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u/HereReluctantly 4m ago

Doesn't make sense, why would God allow any of it if it hurts him? Why not just let human's have free will with no consequence in the afterlife?