r/humor • • 7h ago

Make it make sense

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u/FoxxyRin 7h ago

Modern Satan is actually made up, like on a whole different level than anything else in the religion. Like he's basically just selected as the boogieman anymore when in reality he has nothing to do with punishing people in hell or whatever, at least according to the Bible. Technically Satan isn't even a specific being, it's a job title. And Lucifer was a fallen angel that is often referred to as Satan/the Devil but that isn't technically correct, and even so it's not "canon" that he/satan/anybody directly punishes people in hell. But basically if you boil it down to what the Bible actually says, all Satan actually does is goes around and tempts people to sin, like becoming the serpent and doing the whole apple bit in the garden of Eden.

Another fun fact, the apple of Eden likely wasn't even an apple. Some suggest it was a pomegranate or fig.

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u/Entitled-Prick 5h ago

While on the pedantry here, Lucifer is also not the name of the fallen angel, and was just a misunderstanding of a verse in the Bible. It just took a few people misinterpreting it to the point where that became his "name".

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u/melkatron 5h ago

Yeah, Lucifer is the latin name for Venus. The Light-bringer. The Morning Star. In Hebrew, Helel Ben Shahar - Shining One, Son of the Morning. In Greek, Heosphoros, Bringer of the Dawn....because Venus is visible shining in the sky as dawn comes in.

It's used as a metaphor in the Biblical passage people have misinterpreted as describing Satan. The actual passage is meant as part of a taunt to be recited upon the death of a Babylonian king, who is either a specific but unnamed Babylonian king, or just a term for any oppressive ruler in general.

Like, HEyyyy, look at this BIIIIG fuckin' guy here! Big ol' fuckin' Morning Star, you ain't so high and mighty NOW, huh? 'Cause you're fuckin' DEAD, ya fucker! Now you're in hell, and they're all gonna laugh at you! (roughly translated)

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u/HypostaticOnion 4h ago

I've heard remarkably few theologians speak about how neither Satan nor Lucifer are names, but titles. The bible almost treats "Satan" like Voldemort, he's referred to but never named. Which in a way is fitting as he desired to be worshipped as God, but now no one even knows his name.

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u/Technical_Wind5217 4h ago

my theology prof that blew my mind with "christus" just means the anointed one which is also just a job title

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u/HypostaticOnion 4h ago

Right. Jesus Christ isn't just a name, it's a name followed by a title. Like Robert Jones M.D.

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u/Asleep_Instance9899 3h ago

This is a serious emergency. We need… DOCTOR JESUS

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u/melkatron 4h ago

Wait, do people think Christ was his actual last name? Like he had "Jesus H. Christ" chiseled on his ID slate?

(Sorry, not trying to mock you, I'm just surprised)

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u/Technical_Wind5217 4h ago

i dont think he had a last name, dont people just call him Jesus of Nazareth when talking specifically about the human being prophet

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u/BedBubbly317 3h ago

Back in 1st century Judea your “last name” (it isn’t technically a last name, but used similar to how we use them today) was essentially just your father’s first name. Jesus’ actual birth name is Yeshua, which translates in English to Joseph, it’s not Jesus. And his full name in 1st century Judea would have been Yeshua bar Yosef, which translates to Joshua son of Joseph.

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u/PuckSenior 4h ago

Here is the text:

In that wonderful day when the Lord gives his people rest from sorrow and fear, from slavery and chains, 4 you will jeer at the king of Babylon and say, “You bully, you! At last you have what was coming to you! 5 For the Lord has crushed your wicked power and broken your evil rule.” 6 You persecuted my people with unceasing blows of rage and held the nations in your angry grip. You were unrestrained in tyranny. 7 But at last the whole earth is at rest and is quiet! All the world begins to sing! 8 Even the trees of the woods—the fir trees and cedars of Lebanon—sing out this joyous song: “Your power is broken; no one will bother us now; at last we have peace.”

9 The denizens of hell crowd to meet you as you enter their domain. World leaders and earth’s mightiest kings, long dead, are there to see you. 10 With one voice they all cry out, “Now you are as weak as we are!” 11 Your might and power are gone; they are buried with you. All the pleasant music in your palace has ceased; now maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket!

12 How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground—mighty though you were against the nations of the world. 13 For you said to yourself, “I will ascend to heaven and rule the angels.\)a\) I will take the highest throne. I will preside on the Mount of Assembly far away in the north. 14 I will climb to the highest heavens and be like the Most High.” 15 But instead, you will be brought down to the pit of hell, down to its lowest depths.

Its not even up for debate. That is clearly just a poetic final paragraph about the king. Isaiah does this A LOT, and Christians have reinterpreted him in really silly ways.

Take the virgin-birth claim. That isn't from an actual prediction of a virgin birth. Isaiah is talking about a "maiden", not a virgin and is using it as a poetic timing device.

Say to him, ‘Be careful, keep calm and don’t be afraid. Do not lose heart because of these two smoldering stubs of firewood—because of the fierce anger of Rezin and Aram and of the son of Remaliah. 5 Aram, Ephraim and Remaliah’s son have plotted your ruin, saying, 6 “Let us invade Judah; let us tear it apart and divide it among ourselves, and make the son of Tabeel king over it.” ......14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you\)c\) a sign: The maiden will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.\)f\) 15 He will be eating curds and honey when he knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right, 16 for before the boy knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right, the land of the two kings you dread will be laid waste

Its just giving a rough timeline. Basically, the maiden will conceive a son and the son will grow up and be eating good food(things will be better economically) and before his bar mitzvah, these kings will be routed out of the land. So basically, a 15-25 year timeline. Note, this entire discussion is from 500 years before Jesus. He is saying specific kings who invaded Judah will be overthrown 480 years before Jesus. Its not predicting the Messiah. It's just describing history in poetic language.

It isn't predicting a virgin birth. "Virgin" was only used because in the greek translation, which was the popular translation at the time of Jesus, they mistranslated maiden to virgin. Hebrew was a dead language in the 1st century and most people spoke and read Greek.

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u/onetaxi 4h ago

need a new bible (melkatron version)

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u/AthenaOwls 4h ago

Its actually a bit simpler than that. The Bible-verse in question was just about an Assyrian king dying in a particularly humiliating way. And this king had fucked up Israel, so they thought it was God’s punishment.

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u/Combatical 4h ago

This feels like it could have been a pulled quote from the move 'Dogma'.

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u/dandroid126 4h ago

In Greek, Heosphoros

Isn't Venus' Greek name Aphrodite?

And wait, isn't Venus... the latin/roman name itself?

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u/Hot_Web5128 4h ago

His real name is Azazel, go back to the fallen angels in the Book of Enoch for the real story. Yes, I've met him. What's the vibe like?....

https://giphy.com/gifs/cLN9K8UWdUOTYSl1zx

George you nailed, here we were mocking your writing in the prequels, and you inadvertently gave us an excellent character portrait of 'the adversary.' Kudos...

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u/wookiewonderland 2h ago

Matchsticks in Dutch are called Lucifers

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u/NyetNyan 1h ago

A bit more on how things just blend together and morph over time: long, long before christianity there were the polytheistic religions of the canaanites and Shahar was the god of the dawn, and son to their supreme deity. Very similar to what the modern Lucifer is described as.

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u/m1stwalk3r 55m ago

We need to bring back cosmological taunts like in the good ole days. Now ppl just say "unc" or "skill issue."

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u/737Max-Impact 5h ago

Basically every tenet of the Christian faith today is a misunderstanding of a verse in the Bible

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u/StarGazer_SpaceLove 4h ago

Just like Jesus never said "God sent me here to die for you to be forgiven and enter heaven"

Legitimately no where. The closest is talking abiut the blood of the covenant given for the forgiveness of sins, but again, there is no connections to God's words or a promise god made to forgive mankind and allow them in to heaven.

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u/TatterMail 5h ago

You present this as a fact. That’s still debated

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u/dunkey_roll 3h ago

Not pedantry at all, you are just correcting one of the misinformations in OP's silly comment.

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u/OfTheRedVariety 3h ago

Lucifer is an eggcorn? If so, it is a successful one

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u/nymphxochi 8m ago

what is the original name of the fallen angel?

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u/A_Bit_Of_Nonsense 5h ago

Jesus wasn't necessarily born in a stable/barn. All its described as is he was born in a manger, which is a trough, which are more often than not outside.

Also, we have no idea how many wide men or shepherd's there were. We get the number 3 only from the number of different gifts the wise men had.

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u/Atanar 1h ago

Jesus wasn't necessarily born in a stable/barn. All its described as is he was born in a manger, which is a trough, which are more often than not outside.

Doesn't matter because we know his birth accounts are whole cloth fabrication with not even a kernel of truth.

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u/tinyrikk 14m ago

Exactly. Was he born during the reign of Herod the Great, or under the governorship of Quirinius? Cause newsflash yall, it couldn’t have been both

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u/tenth 6h ago

Or, in some cults, the fruit is sex -- which they say explains why the punishments seem to be very sex related. And why Cain and Able came out evil vs good. 

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u/Jacky_dain 5h ago

God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply so the forbidden fruit wasn’t sex

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u/Grouchy_Constant6336 4h ago

God told “mankind” to be fruitful and multiply in genesis 1, in genesis 2, as some believe Adam and Eve are separate creations from the people outside of the garden. The people who Cain was afraid of after he killed his brother. But that’s why the ancient text is all wonky at least in this modern age since “sinful” men “canonized” what they thought of as the bible idk maybe the Ethiopians are correct 🤷‍♂️

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u/Self_Reddicate 5h ago

Satan just introduced them to some kinky shit. Blew their freakin minds. They were supposed to be fruitful and multiply. They were NOT supposed to be sticking, you know... THAT... you know... there

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u/Additional-Drama-304 5h ago

The forbidden fruit was eves ass, God wasn't down with anal

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u/DarthChefDad 4h ago

Eve had them apple bottom jeans, amd the boots with the fur, er'ry body in Eden was looking at herrr. She hit the flo', next thing you know, shorty got low low low low low low...

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u/katy90081 4h ago

But then why there ain't any kids until they got kicked out of Eden?

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u/DigitalBlackout 4h ago

Pretty sure the general consensus with christian theologians is they got kicked out like, within a month at most. Not enough time

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u/corrupted_warrior 2h ago

He told them to be fruitful by having sex, therefore sex was the fruit

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u/FirstSurvivor 5h ago

Guess why they were ashamed to be naked after tasting the fruit?

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u/Self_Reddicate 5h ago

"We use these for WHAT?! Oh My Gob. We have to cover this up."

  • Eve, probably

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u/TheMeshDuck 4h ago

Able - "why he say fuck me"

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u/wrickcook 3h ago

My mom believed she had sex with the snake and the apple was the kid friendly version.

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u/inevitable-idiot- 6h ago

It’s all fiction so who cares what fruit it was lol

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u/FoxxyRin 6h ago

It's still a historic text, whether it's fact or fiction, and the linguistics and translations are part of the fun of it all.

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u/MurkDiesel 6h ago

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u/BatFromAnotherWorld 5h ago

That's why all holy books are just The Goat Herder's Guide to the Galaxy

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u/yrogerg123 3h ago

In the beginning God created the Earth. That made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.

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u/United-Mortgage104 5h ago

"Written when people were even dumber than they are today... "

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u/wildfox9t 5h ago

i don't know about being dumber, at least back then they had the excuse of being uneducated and not knowing better

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u/United-Mortgage104 4h ago

Just quoting David Cross from the stand-up routine that was mentioned in the picture

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u/PizzaPieInMyEye 4h ago

The bible is basically just an extreme version of "I heard it from a friend of a friend."

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u/ObjectiveActivity893 3h ago

That’s all of history my guy. Litterally ALL of it. Gotta go by same standards or you’re just picking and choosing

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u/swcommis 3h ago

Google says that person is jewish not Christian

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u/Available_Layer4546 3h ago

I know 30-90 years after seems rough, but that's actually quite the opposite when it comes to time gap of ancient manuscripts. New Testament blows out of the water many trusted ancient documents, which historians agree upon, but I feel it gets a bad rap for being lumped in with the entire Bible.

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u/BE-OKC 3h ago

This is so comically bad a take it's nutso. We have the Bible in it's original text. We have manuscripts over two thousand years old and they are identical. The scribes who copied them cared tremendously about keeping the writing identical.

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u/Sarrada_Aerea 2h ago

Someone tell this guy that the dead sea scrolls exist

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u/OrbitalDrop7 1h ago

I thought that was jackson galaxy

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u/Bienoble 5h ago

Thank you. I’m not religious myself, but it’s so silly to me when people are like “Meh, the most important driving force behind much of human action throughout the history of our species is made up, so who cares”.

Yes, it’s myth. It’s also extremely important to understanding history. No one would study Ancient Greece and then leave out the parts about religion because they were “made up”. It’s core to the study of that culture and time period.

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u/smurf2applestall 53m ago

Wow I thought it was an apple and now it turns out it’s a fig. Everything has changed.

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u/m1stwalk3r 52m ago

Biggest sign of a midwit is being unable to interpret myth/literature and extract truth.

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u/inevitable-idiot- 13m ago

This isn’t the take you think it is. No one is arguing that but your hyper fixated elf. I’m talking about a piece of fruit. Youre talking about ideas. “Apples and oranges” or in this case “apples and figs”

Edit: self* youre not cool enough to be an elf.

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u/Suburban--Dad 6h ago

Should we talk about the translations of “suffer not a witch to live” and how different languages and cultures can really change over a couple of thousand years?

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u/GooeyKablooie_ 3h ago

Studying history is important.

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u/keylime_5 5h ago

Nothing in the Bible about Satan ruling hell.

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u/m1stwalk3r 52m ago

Hell, don't they say he rules Earth?

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u/Greensun30 5h ago

It’s fiction, if it was nonfiction it would’ve been burned from history a long time ago.

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u/elderpufflaurien 5h ago

Lol historical as in old but not historical as in accurate.

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u/GarbageBanger 2h ago

And the last one to put his spin on it, King James, was a raging homosexual with a beard wife. I think his flair adds panache personally but some reason that never comes up Sunday morning.

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u/MinimumMistake2Outpt 6h ago

Idk it's just kinda interesting, I dont really care? But its like the information version of a slight puff of air out of the nose

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u/Skyl3rRL 6h ago

You can still be right or wrong about what the text says even if it's fiction

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u/BigDogDoodie 5h ago

This is what I say anytime someone tries to discuss fictional themes or the artists intentension with a fictional work.

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u/Skylam 5h ago

It matters from a cultural standpoint, there is a very similar myth in Greek Mythology with Persephone as an example.

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u/CatherineDeneuvePt2 5h ago

…if it’s pomegranate did they just bite into that muthafucka

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u/DigiornoDLC 5h ago

Did you do really poorly in literature class or what

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u/macnar 4h ago

Yeah stupid English teacher was probably a Christian or something. I kept telling them the books we're reading are fiction so they don't matter and I'm legally not required to do the homework but they kept giving me F's anyways. It's so hard being smarter than your teachers 😡

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u/Sawoodster 4h ago

The only people more intolerable than Bible thumpers are atheists. Both feel the need to constantly shove their beliefs in your face, but at least one side believes they’re helping you, the other just wants you to be miserable like them.

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u/MissRicoRuby 3h ago

Atheists aren't actively making the world worse the way Christians are lol

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u/Ralph_Finesse 4h ago

This is literally how I feel and it makes ME feel insane that do many grown ass adults with access to historical context believe this shit, literally and use it as an excuse to govern over others.

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u/BobbyLeComte 4h ago

It was actually a Peach-Pineaple Kambucha.

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u/Phillip_Spidermen 4h ago

It's a fantastic example how losing historical context can lead to misunderstandings.

Apple was a catch-all name for fruit when it was first translated. (Peaches were Persian Apples, Pomegranites were Seedy Apples etc.)

In other translations its just "fruit," but now we have a bunch of people imagining a snake and a red delicious.

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u/IkujaKatsumaji 4h ago

Mythology is still cool to learn about. And on top of that, it's one of the most important texts in the world, given the outsized effect it's had on virtually all aspects of life and civilization across the world for thousands of years, so it seems like maybe a good thing to know about and understand.

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u/Ok_Win590 3h ago

Mythology isn't pure fiction which makes it interesting.  For example all religions reference a historical flood and for good reason, it happened. 

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u/Snoo-24796 2h ago

Apple is innocent

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u/blahblah19999 2h ago

Of course! So who cares if chewbacca flew the enterprise or Constantine did, the main point is that the most wretched den of scum and villainy in the galaxy will play soft jazz.

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u/astirac 2h ago

Fancy book club that gets a tax exemption.

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u/BrocoliAssassin 1h ago

It's crazy that thousands of years later we are dropping bombs on innocent children in Gaza over an ancient comic book.

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u/hollee-o 5h ago

Many scholars think the fruit of knowledge was a mushroom. Soma. 🍄

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u/MadHatter69 4h ago

Now that I can get behind! It's also similar to this theory that I'm a big fan of :)

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u/hollee-o 3h ago

Gordon Wasson’s book Soma is the definitive reference. Trippy stuff.

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u/blahblah19999 2h ago

From a tree?

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u/hollee-o 1h ago

In this case among, and only among the trees. Birch, pine, spruce. “Lord of the wood”. It’s one theory.

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u/elderpufflaurien 5h ago

I’m going to suggest that the apple was made up all along

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u/dorianvovin 3h ago

Well, of course it was “made up,” the story isn’t meant to be literal. What they mean by “originally it may have been a fig” is that the story originated in the ancient middle east, where apples were not commonly eaten.

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u/qwase123 5h ago

You mean Johnny Appleseed never made it to Eden? ☹️

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u/Guntermas 4h ago

im 99% sure this whole burning in hell thing was made up afterwards to instill obedience. like you dont do what i say and you will burn in hell forever. its just way too convenient for that to have been a genuine misunderstanding that happened by itself over time.

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u/CarbonScythe0 3h ago

I don't actually know but I thought the fire and brimstone came from Dante's Inferno

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u/blahblah19999 2h ago

No there are sections that support it

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u/caveat_cogitor 6h ago

The idea of a benevolent god figure begets the idea of an antagonist (Christ/Antichrist) these are just 2 sides of the same coin that reinforce each other. The very concept comes about right when societies grow large enough that in a major city center most people don't personally know most other people they see, and so peer pressure has less impact, there is less "we" than "they" and effectively communities don't self-regulate as well. So the natural evolution there is cops and eventually an omniscient God concept (basically, a super cop on steroids that knows everything, so essentially Santa Claus) and his/her best friend in a bad cop/good cop pair.

I think the Satan dynamic is almost interesting because Christianity mythology started to be concretized at the very start of this phase of societal growth in the form of the Old Testament with Mosaic laws/etc. But as the largest cities grew from populations around 100k to >1M, so did the needs and tolerances of society. So they kinda invalidated aspects of the Old Testament, brought in the New Testament, yet the living culture and ideas like Satan have continued to change with society in ways that the books haven't caught up with (yet)

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u/Substantial-Mix-6200 5h ago

scholars would largely agree that the serpent in the garden was just a serpent. A 'satan' could plausibly have used a snake to do the tempting for god but the myth also explains how serpents became such

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u/InvidiousPlay 5h ago

It's sooo obviously a snake origin story if you just read it without preconceptions. At the end God curses the serpent to forever more slither on its belly as punishment for the temptation. Absolute classic tribalistic origin story. "Gee, I wonder why that serpent has no legs..."

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u/Beefsizzle 4h ago

Also called etiological myths. Just like the Norse myth explaining the shape of salmon. After Loki fled the gods by turning into a salmon, Thor caught him mid-leap over their net and gripped him so hard that the salmon's tail has been narrow ever since.

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u/Silent-Weird9860 4h ago

THANK YOU! I hate how often that utterly made up concept is treated as biblical fact. Especially by people who ostensibly believe that biblical text is "pure" and "true". If you believe that the serpent was Satan, then your very first biblical story shows God as a a complete asshole. He punishes ALL snakes for the temptation (bad enough), but to do that when it wasn't even a real snake just makes him either evil or completely fooled by Satan's snake disguise.

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u/JamesMcGiantPeach 1h ago

Blame Milton. He made up the snake-Satan correlation in his biblical fan fiction Paradise Lost and we’ve ran with it since. A shocking amount of Christian dogma comes from non-biblical literary tradition.

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u/MadHatter69 4h ago

I read somewhere that in the original text (which we know fuckall about what it said, but whatevs) there's no mention of the snake in the tree of knowledge, the line in the bible just said that Satan 'slithered' down to Eve, and translators everywhere just thought 'well yeah, he was obviously a snake because of that'.

Not that it matter one tiny bit, anyway.

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u/nusi42 5h ago

To my unqualified knowledge the fruit was a quince.

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u/LastChristian 5h ago

God told me it was a papaya

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u/bfume 5h ago

Or, you know, it could be anything that represents disobeying god because the entire story is made up

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u/MisterTimm 5h ago

One point I disagree on is the Satan being a job title. There is ha-satan which is a position in the holy council. However, in the new testament when Satan is introduced, the ha- is dropped and it becomes a proper name. The idea of an adversary is present in those early Christian texts. The exact image has warped over time, but it's not entirely manufactured as a recent alteration to the religion.

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u/sharkypsharky 5h ago

No way jose. You're telling me all this happened gestures broadly because of a damn pomegranate???

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u/MadHatter69 4h ago

In its defense, it was a really, REALLY tasty one. Eve knew what's good.

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u/Winring86 5h ago

Yes, this is correct. The modern depictions of Satan and hell are completely detached from their original conceptions

As an aside, a pet peeve of mine..."just selected as the boogieman anymore" - "anymore" does not make sense in the context you're using it.

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u/PrestigiousOne5959 5h ago

99% of Satan mythology is from paradise lost.  He’s has almost no biblical representation. 

The modern Christian preoccupation with Satan and evil and hell is almost all fanfiction 

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u/Pecuthegreat 5h ago edited 5h ago

Lucifer isn't a name either. The character is never named, at most it is called the equivalent of "The Satan".

Treating "Lucifer" as the cool, "real" name for Satan was an early modern overenthusiastic association that snowballed from one story in Isaiah that was literally speaking of a Babylonian king but thematically associated with the Satan, they're referred to as the "light bringer" in reference to morning star in reference to refusing to give way to the sun and persisting until morning as a metaphor for pride. It first got translated to the Greek "Phosphorus" then to the Latin "Lucifer" but Lucifer was never considered a demonic name, there is even a late antique saint named Lucifer and I think Jesus is called Light bringer in the New Testament as well in a more positive story.

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u/EffectiveCareer3444 5h ago

Lucifer might not even be his name either depending on who you ask, it’s just an interpretation of a verse that refers to the sun rising

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u/Many-Wasabi9141 5h ago

All fruits used to be called apples.

Satan got "on earth as it is in heaven" 'd into creation. Stupid humans creating their own hell via Fiction. They could have just made up that hell is just a place you go to heal your soul before going to heaven, it's actually a nice resort, but then people wouldn't be as quick to avoid sinning I guess.

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u/Big-Government9904 5h ago

No way, it was 100% an apple, maybe the iPhone 17 pro?

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u/Jacky_dain 5h ago

Lucifer wasn’t an angel, the Bible verse referred to a Babylonian king who was egotistical and got humbled

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u/Longjumping_Ring_575 5h ago

Well if that's the case, perhaps it was noni fruit!

Why Noni is Despised

• The Smell: It smells like sun-warmed goat cheese and old socks, earning it the nickname "vomit fruit".

• The Texture: It has a lumpy, wart-covered, pus-white exterior that looks unsettling.

• The Taste: It tastes bitter and rancid, much like its pungent odor.

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u/JohnnyTreemain 5h ago

Fun fact, the apple of Eden likely never existed.

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u/Pjpjpjpjpj 5h ago

So only the “modern” Satan is made up?

But the one in the stories people wrote down and were later selectively chosen for inclusion in a book that were then edited and later translated - from which certain pieces are taught as reality and others are taught as “not in effect anymore” due to conflicting later stories and finally are taught as contemporary interpretations of stories rather than direct written history or guidance… that is the “real” hell?

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u/venom02 5h ago

so, basically his word was "NO pomegranates"

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cHhvEiYgkqA

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u/SoundsGoudaMan 5h ago

Right on the money. The title Satan, when directly translated, means "prosecutor" and was intended to be a literary foil or a contrasting perspective. That's it.

If you're using religion to control people, he's the obvious "stick" to Christ's "carrot," and got built up into something else entirely.

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u/MaverickTopGun 4h ago

My understanding is that there's no evidence directly referring to the serpent in the garden as Lucifer / Satan himself.

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u/Starfury7-Jaargen 4h ago

I think it was Okra. It is a vile fruit! (For me that is)

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u/paulisnofun 4h ago

It couldn’t have been a pomegranate. Those things are a pain in the ass to open and eat.

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u/EliteUnited 4h ago

what ever the fuck he ate, I now have an Adams apple so go figure.

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u/PuckSenior 4h ago

If you want to be pedantic, get it right. Lucifer isn't a fallen angel. Its a reference to a living ruler. Here is the full text from Isaiah 14

In that wonderful day when the Lord gives his people rest from sorrow and fear, from slavery and chains,  you will jeer at the king of Babylon and say, “You bully, you! At last you have what was coming to you! For the Lord has crushed your wicked power and broken your evil rule.”  You persecuted my people with unceasing blows of rage and held the nations in your angry grip. You were unrestrained in tyranny. But at last the whole earth is at rest and is quiet! All the world begins to sing! Even the trees of the woods—the fir trees and cedars of Lebanon—sing out this joyous song: “Your power is broken; no one will bother us now; at last we have peace.”

 The denizens of the land of the dead crowd to meet you as you enter their domain. World leaders and earth’s mightiest kings, long dead, are there to see you.  With one voice they all cry out, “Now you are as weak as we are!”  Your might and power are gone; they are buried with you. All the pleasant music in your palace has ceased; now maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket!

How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground—mighty though you were against the nations of the world.  For you said to yourself, “I will ascend to heaven and rule the angels. I will take the highest throne. I will preside on the Mount of Assembly far away in the north.  I will climb to the highest heavens and be like the Most High.”But instead, you will be brought down to the pit of the dead, down to its lowest depths.

Its pretty clear from context that "lucifer", which means "morning star" is a reference to the king of Babylon. It is an honorific, like how they called King Louis XIV the "Sun King".

And the entire thing is really just saying "He will die like everyone else and in death we are all worm food". That is it. That is the whole point. He is talking about how the King will eventually die.

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u/gottagetanonymous 4h ago

Why are figs so prominent in early humans and religious text but I’ve never seen a fig in modern day. Anywhere

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u/MadHatter69 4h ago

They grow in a lot of places in the world, and are delicious. We have a giant fig tree in our back yard, and it's fruitful as fuck. You just probably live far away from anywhere where they naturally occur.

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u/onetaxi 4h ago

kinda interesting because christianity supposedly borrows/adopts themes/motifs of previous popular pagan rituals. Pomegranate also being a key object in the myth of hades tricking persephone to eat a pomegranate

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u/duerra 4h ago

I used to have a quince tree at my last house, and the story always went that it was actually a quince tree in the garden of eden.

For those that don't know what a quince is (I didn't), it's like a very starchy cross between an apple and a pair after it's cooked. You need to cook it down, when it then becomes very sweet and gelatinous. They're amazing when they're prepared correctly, but not something you'd typically just pull off the tree and eat.

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u/Royal-Present-7898 4h ago

The real truth is Satan is a servant of God that He uses to test faithfulness, hence why God speaks to Satan in the book of Job. Satan questions if Job is truly righteous so God allows Satan to ruin Job's life to see if he was truly faithful. Satan was only doing his job as a tempter and in this case, an agent of disaster which is his whole purpose, ordained to do so by God. Funny how Christians never wonder why if Satan is truly in rebellion with God, why are they (God and Satan) having a discussion about Job, and why does Satan obey God's commands?

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u/Whosebert 4h ago

also sin is anything that separates you from God. killing someone isnt a sin because its bad, its a sin because it separates you from God. it is bad though.

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u/That-redhead-artist 4h ago

I am not a religious person. I don't know too much about The Bible. I read somewhere that Satan is the name given to the force working against God. So Lucifer or whatever his true name is, could be called Satan, but Satan is not always Lucifer. What your saying sort of sounds like that, correct me if I'm wrong?

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u/Cultural_Praline_508 4h ago

The fruit of knowledge was a durian. Eating it was a bad experience, so they learned about bad experiences.

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u/Chunquela-vanone 4h ago

Anithwr fun fact, just as Satan is made up so are all the other magical creatures jn the bible and most other religious books.

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u/Binkusu 4h ago

If it was a pomegranate, I understand Eve. Those are good.

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u/-TheBlackSwordsman- 4h ago

  Modern Satan is actually made up

Hate to break it to you, but...

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u/ThrowusAwayus6969 4h ago

Every time the Devil gets mentioned for these types of internet discussions I think of this tweet about lil nas X's show with devil imagery from 5 years ago, captures the point perfectly

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u/Gr1ml0ck 4h ago

“Modern satan is made up”

Not like the legacy satan. Which is toooootally real.

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u/XFX_Samsung 4h ago

Some suggest it was a pomegranate or fig.

Recently I've seen a lot of videos about the forbidden "fruit" being a mushroom.

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u/IkujaKatsumaji 4h ago

A couple of other notes:

- Satan, ha-satan, the Devil, whatever you want to call him, there's no indication in the text that the serpent was anything other than a serpent. Maybe it was recontextualized in the New Testament, I forget, but if you look at the text in Genesis, the serpent is just a serpent, nothing else.

- The reason people think the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was an apple is that apple, for a long time, was just the word for "fruit" in English. It was just a generic, catch-all term for any fruit. As the language developed, it eventually centered in on this specific kind of fruit, what we now call an apple, but by then there were all these things written about the apple in the Garden of Eden, so the idea stuck. I think if I were still a believing Christian, I'd assume that the fruit was not an apple, nor a pomegranate, nor any other fruit I'd ever seen before, because it clearly has an effect on humans that I've never seen a pomegranate do.

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u/PulpedCactus 4h ago

I tried explaining that to someone the other day because they were trying to say characters were satanists because they only care about themselves and I had to explain the actual tenants of satanism, and how "Satan" themself is a whole can of worms and basically a creation of modern media. They got really upset and thought I was stupid 😭

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u/AbeRego 4h ago

If you actually listen to what actually biblical scholars, including former Pope Francis, have to say about hell, it's really never the firey place of punishment. It's more of a state of being, rather than a place. It's not even necessarily tied to the afterlife; people in deplorable living conditions or engrossed in deep hatred could be considered as in hell right now.

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u/ThatIsAmorte 4h ago

Modern Satan is actually made up, like on a whole different level than anything else in the religion.

It's all the same level of made up, dawg.

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u/Steerider 3h ago

The image of cloven feet, horns and the little beard is specifically the image of the Roman god Pan. It was part of the early church's effort to turn people away from the old pagan religions and toward Christianity.

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u/dunkey_roll 3h ago

You might wanna research a little bit better before throwing around fUn FaCTS.

The serpent in the Garden was not Satan, and it didn't tempt anyone into sin, the serpent just told the truth about the fruit, while God lied.

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u/dollabill009 3h ago

So god really does hate figs

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u/BigWar0609 3h ago

And there is a question if Adam ever told Eve to not eat that fruit. God only told Adam not to.

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u/niceguy1428571 3h ago

As I understand it, Satan is the counterpart of Hades and Pluto; don’t ask me why so many Christians believe in him.

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u/OwMyCandle 3h ago

Bible doesnt even say the serpent in the garden was Satan. It just says it was a serpent. Maybe in tradition it was seen as Satan, idk. But the version of Lucifer in the garden that we all know and love was popularised by Milton in Paradise Lost.

And the idea of the fruit being an apple afaik is from the vulgate. The word for evil and the word for apple are homonyms (malum). Fun little pun.

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u/Ok_Win590 3h ago

On Jeopardy, in the movie, White Men Can't Jump, the apple is a quince.

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u/Ticksdonthavelymph 3h ago

The apple was sex smoothie… it’s what we call a metaphor “the forbidden fruit”

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u/StatisticianUsual471 3h ago

satan, from the hebrew for adversary was originally an angel sent by god to test mankind

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u/BronBobingle 3h ago

Satan wasn’t the serpent in the garden of Eden. That’s just an ad hoc theory that arose well after the writing of the old treatment. The serpent in the Bible just represents how the ancient near east viewed snakes and acts as a pourquoi story for why they slither on their bellies.

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u/YourMuscleMommi 3h ago

This is... sort of correct. While we can talk about "well the Hebrew and Greek says this", that doesn't really matter. Religions are living, they change with the people, they change with how people read them. So what matters is how modern Christians take it, not what's actually written. Thus arguing about what "the Bible says" is meaningless. Yes, the Prosperity Gospel goes against so much in the Bible. And yet it is Christian. But what many, if not most, modern Christian believe is very simple. Though I should clarify actually practicing Christian not cultural Christians. There's a big difference between the two. No, Satan doesn't punish people in Hell. He's not even IN Hell right now, that's a thing from The Divine Comedy. Satan is described as "The Prince of the World". In John 12:31 Jesus calls Satan this: "Now is the judgment of this world: now shall the prince of this world be cast out."

As for the apple, yea, that's pretty well known. This came from French. Pom used to mean "fruit tree", any fruti tree, but around the 12th century it came to mean specifically apple. And since French was, well, the Lingua Franca of Europe, it stuck.

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u/jack-of-some 3h ago

"seeded apple"

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u/tomastcheco 3h ago

I love the use of quotes around canon to make the most literal use of the word canon

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u/BigPoppaAlex69 3h ago

My Eve picked a forbidden cabbage to feed to Adam.

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u/MoreTHCplz 3h ago

I think you just made a great argument that Trump is Satan and we are all sinners in hell lol

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u/fattay1166 3h ago

I thought it wasn't Satan? Just the serpent that told them.

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u/No_Public8938 3h ago

So who exactly was the entity tempted Jesus while he was in the desert supposed to be then? I agree with a lot of what you said, but it seems that there are cases where he shows up and is referred to explicitly as Satan.

Like how in that role he was prince of this world and able to grant Jesus whatever he wanted if he agreed to the temptations, but Jesus just always responded with scripture and declined him.

I grew up Christian, but no longer believe in any of it and all the supernatural, magic aspects and all. That's the thing about Christianity and the Bible: you literally have to believe in magic and breaking the laws of physics to believe it and I don't see how any scientific minded person can. There are literally Christian scientists somehow though.

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u/atlantaguy1979 3h ago

It was a fruit. The apple interpretation is from Milton’s “Paradise Lost”

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u/blahblah19999 3h ago

I would say the idea that Jesus fulfilled any Messianic prophecies is the biggest reworking of the Bible. It involves 300 prophecies, many of which aren't prophecies, and many others which aren't Messianic. The entire NT is based on a few followers just inventing shit about their dead charismatic leader.

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u/PrincessJoyHope 2h ago

Fun fact, the apple wasn’t a pomegranate or fig because it’s a make believe story

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u/Certain_Direction270 2h ago

Well a good pomegranate is irresistible 

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u/Master-Powers 2h ago

Satan/lucifer/devil was not specifically tied to the same serpent who talked to eve.

Also, I wouldnt even say the serpent tempted them. God told Adam/Eve if they eat of the fruit, they will die. God lied to them from the beginning. The serpent came and was honest that the fruit will make them knowledgeable like God.

Not everything is done maliciously. Sometimes, individuals are just open and honest which leads to certain consequences. Doesn't change that God lied and wanted to keep humans dumb pets in the garden.

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u/slayerje1 2h ago

Wasn't the whole satan is the snake bit added after christianity became a thing... like that's not it the old testament that the snake is satan

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u/MikiZed 2h ago

Another fun fact, the apple of Eden likely wasn't even an apple. Some suggest it was a pomegranate or fig.

I think most catholic interpretations suggest the apple is a figure of speech for sex. You know the whole original sin, no one is born without it, except the son of God who is not technically concieved that way, the fact that adam and eve didn't have childrens until they sinned, and even the whole "because you sinned you are condemned to bleed and suffer during labor because of it" and yada yada yada

It has been a while but I was told this in church, at the time the pastor told me it was still up for debate but very few people where left thinking of an actual apple

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u/NonCorporealEntity 2h ago

The apple was a metaphor for the knowledge of death. The knowledge of death brought humans out if the "eden" of ignorance.

Ignorance is bliss.

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u/Pale-Supermarket3217 2h ago

Fun fact, Bible? Also made up. The entire point of Paulianity is to corrupt the message of Jesus.

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u/Consistent-Luck-7676 2h ago

I wonder where the idea of it being an apple came from? The Bible just calls it the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That’s a long name so I get wanting something easier to remember and say, but how did we get to apple from that?

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u/RevolutionNumber5 2h ago

Somehow, Paradise Lost became theology.

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u/dmfuller 2h ago

So basically just an entity for you to blame all of your problems on and never have to take any real accountability for your decisions lol

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u/domesticatedprimate 2h ago

Basically the idea of hell and the devil/demons was slow cooked during the middle ages and the Renaissance, culminating in Dante's Inferno.

The Church probably came up with it specifically as a way to kill off paganism among the peasants, stop them from spending their hard earned money on fun, and scare them into obeying the Church and donating their income.

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u/Atanar 2h ago

A bit weird to call something modern that has been firmly established for over 1000 years.

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u/New_me_Cri 2h ago

Figs are delicious, that's why he fell for it probably

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u/Big-Material2917 1h ago

Devil is the rationalization and scapegoat for a civilization that discovers a moral ideal that is plausibly infeasible. People realize how they should act, but will never perfectly achieve, and need to resolve the cognitive dissonance. imo.

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u/hi117 1h ago

So much of our concception of hell is just Dante's Inferno, which is basically bible fanfiction complete with self insert gary stu.

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u/trashmoneyxyz 1h ago

Just like how people refer to Christ as part of the name of Jesus Christ, Christ is his title or honorific if anything. I feel like with modern english the more correct way to refer to him would be Jesus the Christ

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u/B-Con 1h ago

Somewhat related, but what's funny is that if you picture a spread of modern day fruit (apples, watermelon, grapes, etc), most of them are relatively new due to selective breeding that started post 0 AD and then hyper accelerated in the industrial age.

Basically an arrangement of fruit from, say, 10,000 BCE compared to modern day would look nothing alike, and there's been enough cross-breeding that there isn't even a perfect 1:1 map between the two sets.

The Red Delicous apple itself is new as of the 1800s.

Basically: if some person, hypothetically, ate fruit in 10,000 BCE and told a story about it that got preserved, and then in 1600 AD someone translated that story into English, it's very possible there was no line of clear continuity for both the fruit and the name of the fruit for the translation to use. The translation may have had to use the closest approximation for a 0 AD closest approximation for a 1,0000 BCE closest approximation for a 5,000 BCE closest approximation for the fruit's name.

The bottom line is, there is zero chance Adam and Eve ate a Red Delicious apple, or even a close equivalent, that you see in the pictures.

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u/GooberExe 1h ago

One of my favorite bits of trivia is that the reason why it's depicted as an apple is likely because the monks transcribing the bible from Hebrew saw a good opportunity to sneak in a Latin pun.

Malus = Evil
Malum = Apple

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u/Glum_Rain_5824 1h ago

Pomegranate or fig makes me think of places around middle east which makes me think Hebrew which makes me wonder if the fruits chosen were just what the people who wrote the bible at the time had access to

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u/JamesMcGiantPeach 1h ago

There isn’t even a biblical basis for the serpent in the Garden of Eden being Satan. That didn’t become a popular idea until Milton put it in Paradise Lost, which is basically the fan fiction that gave us our pop-culture conception of The Devil/Satan.

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u/2atherich 1h ago

Modern Satan is actually made up

Wait til you hear about Christianity.

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u/FullFrontalGundam 1h ago

Just adding to this: "Another fun fact, the apple of Eden likely wasn't even an apple. Some suggest it was a pomegranate or fig."

Portraying the fruit as an apple is likely due to a pun in Latin.

Apple in Latin is "malum"

Evil in Latin is also "malum"

The only difference is that one is pronounced with a long "a" sound, and the other is a short "a"

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u/Kethrad 31m ago

Men having an "Adams pomegranate" just doesnt seem right

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u/Quadrophenia4444 16m ago

Apples are native to what khazakstan? Apple was def used as a European familiar fruit

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u/Otherwise_Spare_8598 12m ago

Directly from the womb my existence is and has been nothing other than ever-worsening conscious torment every passing second exponentially compounding suffering awaiting an imminent horrible destruction of the flesh of which is barely the beginning of the eternal journey as I witness the perpetual revelation of all things by through and for the singular personality of the godhead. All things made manifest from a fixed eternal condition.

No first chance, no second, no third.

Born to forcibly suffer all suffering that has ever and will ever exist in this and infinite universes forever and ever for the reason of because.

All things always against my wishes, wants, and will at all times.

...

The universe is a singular meta-phenomenon stretched over eternity, of which is always now. All things and all beings abide by their inherent nature and behave within their circumstantial realm of capacity to do so at all times.

It is a universe made manifest hierarchically, of haves, and have-nots, spanning all levels of dimensionality and experience.

"God" and/or consciousness is that which is within and without all. Ultimately, all things are made by through and for the singular personality and perpetual revelation of the "Godhead", entailing both 'predetermined' eternal damnation and those that are made manifest only to face death and death alone.

There is but one dreamer, fractured through the innumerable. All vehicles/beings play their role within said dream for infinitely better and/or infinitely worse for each and every one, forever.

There is no such thing as individuated accurately described "free will" for all beings. Has never been, will never be, can not be. There are only relative freedoms or lack thereof.

All realities exist and are equally as real. The absolute best universe that could exist does exist in relation to a specified subject. The absolute worst universe that could exist does exist in relation to a specified subject.

https://youtube.com/@yahda7?si=HkxYxLNiLDoR8fzs

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u/Rudhelm 11m ago

Classic Satan was made up as well. You oniw, right?

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u/SoldierOf4Chan 9m ago

Not an apple, not a fig or pomegranate either though. All of those were selected for the sake of symbolism or easier artistic depiction. The tree is The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The fruit is The Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It's not any other kind of fruit. No reason to believe it would have looked anything like any fruit we know.

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u/ECoastThrowAway 1m ago

Surprise: it wasn't a pomegranate or fig either. 

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