Compote Cheese cake from dinner out earlier.

Going on year 7 soon and you guys…. the relationship is STALE and boring me to death. I hate to admit it but I feel like I am settling for a very mundane, ground hog day kind of life and it’s beginning to drive me nuts. And i’m not against chilling at home but when i’m feeling like i’m on a hamster wheel of boring it affects my mental health.

We are very comfortable with each other, and he has stayed with me throughout my depression and CPTSD. It’s one of those relationships where you’ve been together so long and lived together for so long that you feel like family, us and our dog. We are absolutely way too comfortable.

He makes zero effort to take me on a date or even float a plan or two. His idea of doing something is joining whatever plans his family has made and invites us to which… ok sometimes sure, almost all of our outings being invites to fully pre formed plans from your family is a tad much for me. Where is the quality 1:1 time. The romance???

Just the other weekend I was showing him an event that looked cool and asked if he’d like to go. He called it dumb and basically said no. Then his sister messages him asking if we’d come to that EXACT SAME event and suddenly, he’s into it and he wanted us to go. pulls hair out

All he talks about is practical, boring shit. “Oh the place is a mess, we need to deep clean this weekend there is so much to do” when it’s not even bad, he’s just a perfectionist (imo). I do my share of cleaning up as well as literally all the cooking and take care of the dishes, change the sheets and all those little things that add up during the week. So when the weekend is nearing and he is focused on doing practical mundane shit and chores, naturally I feel DEPRESSED and saddened that we’re never having any fun.

Chicken claypot rice for dinner!

Trigger warning: talks of depression and anxiety

I'm 23F and my boyfriend is 25M.I know I get in my head sometimes and I can be very emotional or not feeling things at all. I can't tell objective things Vs my personal feelings from time to time. I know I think and feel differently than the normal person so I sometimes would talk to a close friend or my best friend who does have a master's in psychology for their opinion.

But all 4 of them really do dislike/hate him. He's not a demon, we've been together for 2 years (our anniversary is next month). It had been quite rocky all throughout it with some months being worse than the others. I can't count the number of times I cried over how he made me feel. But recently it's been normal, not crazy but not good. I moved to a different continent this month to further my studies. And I've been thinking of breaking up with him for a while but I often think I'm just being dramatic. We are each others first everything. I wasn't looking for a relationship but it sort of just happen. I was very crazy about him the first couple of months even though we had our first big fight 2 months in which gave me a panic attack because of how much his opinions and thought of me affected me. I have anxiety, been to the psychiatrist multiple times and used to take pills but not anymore.

I'm not gonna go everything that happened but here's just some things that hurt me:

\- him essentially saying I was weak because I told him my anxiety attacks were really bad because it manifests itself physically (I had to go to the emergency room once because it hurt so bad I thought I was having a heart attack) and that I wished my leftover pills hadn't expired

\- him once saying I was a depressed emo kid that hadn't done anything while he was out winning competitions and travelling the world at that age after I made a joke that I wouldn't have dated him when we were kids cos he watched really silly cartoon shows

\- him giving me my birthday gift 8 months late and it was just a notebook with a letter and a stuffed toy I don't even like even though I'm open about my interests and preferences. I'm huge on gift giving, I give handmade gifts that take a long time to make for every single milestone, and I always do it on time.

\- him showing up late many many times when we go out even if he knows how important it is for me that people show up on time since it's just a form of respect to me (I make sure to always do that for others)

\- I don't like his family even after I've forced myself to try

\- he dismissed any form of personal work I did on myself and my mental health because I'm not as normal as I wish I was

\- dismissed my feelings

\- uninvited me to our own plans that I came up with so he could do it with his visiting family after we got into a disagreement about him and his family not respecting my time by showing up late/changing plans on a whim. Then I made the same plans with a friend who wanted to go with me and he was extremely upset at me and I felt so guilty I cried for hours and bought tickets with the last of my pocket money to go with him too. I starved and he knew but didn't care because he stopped paying for meals when we go out together (he is much much much wealthier than I am and had a good job in finance, Im still a struggling student that can't afford the fancy restaurant food he likes and almost exclusively ate back then. I'm not with him for his money. He was my best friend and I wanted to marry him.)

\- knew I have sensory issues and I cannot wear jewellery on my hand and he got upset at me saying there wasn't a point in getting me a ring if we ever got married cos I can't wear them. I told him I would wear it as a necklace. I've never had anyone giving me shit for my sensory issues so it was very hurtful it came from him

I do love him still. He's a dear friend and my first everything, the one I wanted to marry. Sometimes I want to continue and try and salvage it but I think I lost most of my feelings for him even if I do care about him still. I think a part of me always will. He definitely seems to want to continue our relationship but I'm not sure I can anymore. And I'm afraid of never finding anyone who will genuinely love me and it scares me more than anything. I don't have good relationships with my family, so the friends and my eventual (hopefully) partner are extremely important to me.

I just can't grasp the idea that someone who is so important to you can just simply not be there anymore. All those conversations and memories and laughter. It kills me that I'm in this position. I wish everything could have worked out better. I wanted this to be the one.

Any advice is appreciated! Thank you in advance. I just needed help because I've been dwelling about this for months, or maybe even a year

Tldr: I don't think he's the one for me and none of my close friends like him. But I don't want to let go of this relationship because I still love him despite everything

The whole lesbian Massachusetts bar conversation has devolved into a whole new conversation about a new emerging subset of young women with colorful hair who are chronically ill and “most likely” faking it and honestly, I’ve been trying so hard to ignore this topic but it just keeps on showing up on my for you page and it’s pissing me off because a lot of the time they’re low-key not faking it and just because an illness is psychosomatic doesn’t mean that they’re just crazy and looking for attention.

As someone with the chronic illness who got it through severe trauma. This whole conversation has been pissing me the fuck off and I don’t really expect the general public to understand, but it feels like every couple of months. There’s this borderline misogynistic conversation that keeps on popping up about the classic blue haired queer girl with multiple chronic illnesses that has a cane even though she “looks fine” and I feel like this conversation falls off the defend into medical misogyny so fast

in real life, I don’t really look like the classic stereotype whatsoever, but I do walk with a walker sometimes and people interrogate me about this all the fucking time because a lot of people don’t know that disabilities can be dynamic and sometimes I have really bad days where I need to sit down constantly, and I can’t stand up for too long. Conversations like this just add more stigma and it’s so frustrating to watch it because disabled people barely have rights and we’re barely treated like humans already and there’s another layer that goes into it when you’re not visibly disabled.

and I know a lot of people say “well we’re just talking about the fakers they make it hard for real disabled people“ but the problem is it never stops there because disabilities can be invisible and the general public’s judgment on who is disabled and who’s not tend to be terrible so we all end up getting roped in and dismissed.

its not fun walking around with a walker or a cane when you’re young. People look at you like you’re a freak or a fragile piece of paper and already have like 1 million assumptions about you in their head before you even get to open your mouth. This shit sucks.

I'm gonna start by saying that I don't really look for advice (although I do appreciate it if you write some), it's just a long rant to share stories with other sapphics here, and see what you gals think.

Lunch is fried rice with teriyaki salmon and veggies because I didn't want anything to go to waste.

To give some context, I've been out as transgender for 9 years, on HRT for 7, and a proud lesbian for 6. I just came out from a +2-year rough spot in my life where I lost 2 jobs, my gf and I ended our 5-year long relationship and kinda got into a toxic situationship (to put it lightly), among other things. Been in therapy during this time and it has done wonders both for problems related to this period, and some other older stuff I needed to work on. I didn't want to get into any kind of relationship because I didn't want to burden anyone with this, let alone rely on them too much.

And I feel great now! Everyone tells me I look happier, more open with my feelings, etc. So I decided to give dating (on dating apps because it's what works better for me rn) a try now that I'm finally well enough. And if it doesn't work, at least I can make some new friends, right?

Well, no. It fucking sucked. I swear I wish it worked but I simply cannot fathom how frustrating it can be. And I have tried multiple times on different apps. For starters, roughly 80% of people don't even answer, or if they do, they just say two things and then radio silence. Which yk, fair, I don't expect everyone to respond, and if they don't really want to talk there's nothing there to begin with.

But the worst part is not that group of people, it is the one that does talk and after a while, or even a few dates, they just ghost me. At first I thought maybe it was bad luck, but it reached a point where I was constantly second guessing myself.

There were people that made me feel that I was the one pulling the conversation, that if I wasn't bringing any kind of topic to the table, the conversation would just end (and ideed that's what happened). I get there are people that are just bad at small talk, but almost everyone? It drove me crazy. And the people that did make talking a pleasure and I had a good dynamic with, who I even managed to get a couple of dates with, eventually just ghosted me after a few days/weeks. What's up with that?

Am I the problem? Am I just boring? Surely you wouldn't spend hours talking to someone, or going on more than one date if that were the case, right?

I don't wanna think it's because I'm trans, a thing I do not hide and I'm very upfront about, but it's the only reason I can think of, really.

Anyway, the good thing about all of this is that I found out I enjoy being single, so I decided to just focus on my hobbies and my friends instead of doubting myself for sport. Just wanted to rant a little because my therapist tells me a lot of her clients have similar grievances with dating, so hey, if anyone wants to do the same, I read you. (Sorry for any mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker, lol)

Food: Shitty mashed potatoes that gave me a stomach ache. Do not recommend.

So like, yea the title. I'm 24 and dating a 37 year old.

Yet, he's genuinely been the sweetest, kindest, and most caring guy I have ever been with. He respects my boundaries no questions asked. Lets me do things at my own pace without pressuring me. No means no. Treats me as an equal. I can keep going on and on about all his green flags. There have been 0 red flags whatsoever. I have never dated a guy THIS perfect before, all the others have either been abusive or pieces of shit. They were all closer in age to me, too.

I know everyone is going to tell me the age difference is a red flag, or that its gross. I'd be suspicious of it too if I was an observer. Hell, I haven't even told my family about the relationship yet because I don't want to deal with the backlash. 😶

But he's such a frickin sweetheart!!! I've never been this happy with someone before, someone who ACTUALLY cares about me as much as I care about them. It feels so good.

Dinner is pumpkin, spinach and prosciutto risotto.

I (24f) have been with my boyfriend (34m) for almost three years now. He is my first boyfriend, and the first person I have ever loved and wanted to be in a relationship with. I am his longest relationship.
Things for the first year were good between us but then entering the second year everything went bad and I constantly found myself saying I needed to leave but I just couldn’t because I love him and wanted to be with him. After a year and a half together he dumped me randomly out of the blue, he said he couldn’t give me 100% and that he felt it was unfair to me. I was shattered. It had been two months since the breakup and we happened to run into each other one day, we both decided to try and see how things would go and give it another shot. We have been back together since then, things have been okay but we have also for the last few months been having intimacy problems. He never wants to be intimate, and when we are there is no passion and he seems really disinterested. I have brought this up with him and he says it’s fine, sometimes he just struggles. I recently went though his phone and wow. I found out that he has been getting happy ending massages, he has been saying to friends that he is not attracted to me anymore because I have gained weight, he was seeing another girl a month before we broke up the first time and kept seeing her while we rekindled things, only to end things with her when we properly got back together, he also has been fantasising about her to his friends recently wondering if he sent her a message would they be able to rekindle.
I know I need to leave him, but for some reason I just cannot do it and I need to snap out of this spell. If anyone has some tips or has been through something similar I’m all ears :( it’s rough out here.

two and a half mini mandarins.

tw: sa

for context i'm a twenty seven year old trans girl and i've been transitioning for soon to be six years. in the past, specially before my transition, i had many chances of giving in and experiencing things with men but i've pushed back out of what i know now to be my dysphoria, my fearful avoidant attachment style and my childish dream of finding true love. i've never been kissed, never been on a date, never done anything besides talking online. i'm aware of how much of a burden i could be on someone's life and that has lead me to believe that i shouldn't subject someone to me at all, but if this person is willing to do so, there's something deeply wrong with them for wanting me in their life at all.

i've experienced so much pain at the hands of men: bullying, emotional abuse and sexual assault, which has led me to internalize a deeply hateful self concept. even though this deeply hurts me i've come to realize that maybe it's better for me to stop dreaming about the possibilities and trying to pursue anything, even just friendships, with men. i'm sad to think that maybe my mind and my heart will never be able to heal for good for me to be able to experience love, or anything else, in any way.

edit: i appreciate the responses that have made me feel seen and i extend kindness to those that share this bittersweet sentiment with me. i will say that i'm still sort of hopeful for the future even if it's without a man in the picture. there's so much life to live beyond romantic love and i want to hold on to my dreams beyond that.

i want to be able to love myself without desperately needing the validation from a man, to be able to regard the beauty within me, to cherish my time alone and whatnot. i have to try to be hopeful for something, i think that's all i've got left.

(Kpop Demon Hunters Shin Ramyun for dinner with Mira (my favorite) on the packet. I wish I looked like her. Also my noodle bowl that I really like, it has koi fish on it.)

EDIT AT BOTTOM

Potential trigger warning for SH

I’ve been medically transitioning for over a year now and still feel so far away from where I want to be. I know it takes years for the changes to have the most effect but this in between phase is just killing me man.

My hair is just barely neck length after all this time and my face is horrifically masculine and the stubble shadow glares at me in the mirror even after a clean shave. I paint my nails and my wonderful friend from college offered to help me try out makeup styles, so I guess that’s something I can work on when I can afford makeup. I need to voice train too but my voice is just so awful, I hate hearing it out loud. I still have to start somewhere I guess but it just sucks. My mind is just constantly telling me that I’m playing dress up and I hate it. I started SHing again which sounds so childish to say but I don’t know where else to say it. It’s just not a good time.

My care navigator at Planned Parenthood just took a month off without any notice so I have to wait to hear an update about getting laser after an entire back and forth with insurance. I just want to look feminine and be a happy girl who likes girls.

I’ve tried bringing up my dysphoria with my roommate but he doesn’t understand. Even though he’s been a close friend of mine since high school, he still isn’t as understanding as I’d hoped. He kept saying I should really grow a beard even though I’ve stated my facial hair makes me the most uncomfortable. Just seems dismissive. He knows I’m transitioning and is just mildly supportive, if that makes sense? Like he says I can do whatever I want but he still cringes whenever I bring up topics like needing bras or stuff. I dunno. He said he doesn’t really support gender-affirming care which shocked me, but he said because “it enforces gender roles.” Like he was trying to tell me to just be a feminine man, which is cool if you are, but I want to be a feminine woman! That likes women!

To make things worse I don’t have the money to buy new clothes or products right now. As much as I want to buy more bras and cute socks and tops, I can’t afford it. I’ll never be able to afford the surgeries I want. I’ve been doordashing just to make enough to pay rent for this month and I’m still falling behind. I’ve been applying to countless jobs everywhere and have had in-person interviews just to get a rejection email the next day. Seems like a bachelors degree and 5 years of retail experience doesn’t even get you anywhere anymore.

Sorry for the rant and long post. I don’t know. I’m just spiraling at this point I guess. I just have to keep taking the pills and anti-androgens and maybe someday I’ll look a fraction as pretty as most women. I just want to pass and be pretty and cuddle with a girl and play with her hair as she holds me. All I can do to combat the yearning is reading and writing yuri fanfiction, I love Sae-byeok and Ji-yeong from Squid Game so I’ve written and posted some stories about them being in a relationship and comforting each other and it just makes me so so wistful.

Edit: Okay I got a lot of very kind and helpful comments that I plan on replying to. I did also get several that suggested this comes off as more fetishizing and I see that now, and that wasn’t my intention. I’m really sorry if I offended anyone and came into this space when I shouldn’t have. I’m already doubting myself in this transition but I will say that I have felt “like a woman” or “wished to be a woman”for some time and experimented with clothing and stuff in my teens but stopped due to outside pressures. I really don’t want it to be a fetish and I sure as fuck hope I’m not an AGP. The only reason I brought up fanfiction was because I enjoy watching GL series and all that stuff so idk. I’m not focused on “having sex with women” I just want that emotional sapphic bond that I see in media I guess. But maybe that statement alone is fetishizing. I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Maybe I’m just making it all up. Sorry again.

Edit 2: Alright guess I’m still getting those arguments. When I said I want to be a woman who likes women, I meant it more as in, “I want to be a woman, who happens to also like women”, in reference to people who think I suddenly like men because I’m transitioning to become a woman.

Pizza

Sorry had to repost:

I don't know if this is the right sub for this but my friends ask me if I'm neurodivergent and they're not being mean or anything they're genuinely concerned/curious. The friend in question that's asking is ND, she has ADHD and she comments and asks about my behavior, thoughts, etc.

She comments on me rocking, I don't even notice I just do it. She also points out that I rub my hands together, tap my finger tips together, and spin around all the time without thinking, and doing kind of like a biting/chewing motion with my teeth just because I like the way it feels even though there's nothing in my mouth, penguin waddling and shaking my hands for no real reason. In fact I have to think and decide not to do it.

We were also talking and I was explaining I don't think like other people and I was usually backwards in a way. When I play Phase 10 with my family I always put my cards in descending order instead of ascending order. The time I was talking to my sister and I was trying to explain a kid that lives next door because there was another kid that looked like him but the first kid is taller and lengthy and the second is shorter a bit more meat on his bones and my sister called him stout and I said he was compressed and my family laughed and I was genuinely confused what was wrong with my assessment since he was in fact a smaller version like the fat had been more concentrated since the kid was shorter. I also repeat words, like 'banana' is a personal favorite and I say it over and over again for no reason, and sometimes repeat words from other people's sentences. I think they're all just quirks, weird things everyone does but she say there might be a bigger underlying cause. I don't really care she's asking or suggesting this I just don't want to offend anyone or step out of line.

I guess I could be wrong but my parents also wouldn't be open to having me tested or anything like that (I'm a teen, but I do only have a few more years before I move out) because they're not label people, and think most people don't need xyz diagnosis. I know I can't be diagnosed through a screen and I'm not asking to be, but I was wondering what to do or if she even has a point.

Added detail because of repost:

My parents: my dad is particular like he has to park his car straight and is very specific about his glasses and he has microfiber clothes that he washes and air dries to prevent streaks and my maternal grandma is known for being strange and persnickety and having a strange taste profile and combining weird flavors,

*She says bonus points because I was gifted/advanced and I’ve never had a boyfriend like my friends guys usually see me as a better friend or mom/sister energy then girlfriend*

Sorry if that was a long read, but thanks!

Basically just a ramble about how amazing my boyfriend is and how our past few months living together have been. I (F24) moved into our new apartment with him (M27) about two months into knowing each other. It was a impulsive decision because his old lease was ending but I've never regretted it even for a second. I don't have any close friends to share this with so I am just screaming into the internet void.

Now to explain why I'm making this post, kind of NSFW but it's relevant to the plot I swear.

A few days ago my honey and I were doing the deed and I had taken some shrooms beforehand, so I was feeling it particularly strong. It of course as usual felt very good for both of us, so he finished before I could by accident. I told him it was fine, as typically he makes sure I finish before he does every single time, but surprise surprise, after a few minutes he gets ready for round 2 (ladies, its crazy I know, HE'S A GUY WHO CAN GO MULTIPLE ROUNDS RIGHT AFTER ONE ANOTHER....). He works pretty hard to make me finish and finishes again himself as well. Afterwards we are lying in a sweaty heap together and I start to get a little in my feels. I say something along the lines of "Honey, thank you for taking such good care of both of us. You do so much for the both of us all of the time." He responds with "It's really nothing. It isn't hard, and honestly it never feels like I'm doing enough." That shit hit me like A TRUCK. "It isn't hard". I realized I've been wanting to hear those words for years and I just started crying my eyes out while laying on his chest. I've always thought I was so hard to love. I always thought loving me was difficult. For him, it has never been difficult. For him, its not hard to love me. I've struggled a lot in the past and have quite a bit of issues, so hearing that this person, who I love so very much and would do anything for, feels the same about me, even with all the weight I carry. I love him so much and I every day I am reminded that everything I went through in my life was all to meet this one special person. Everything was worthwhile now that I have him in my life.

Then a couple days later we had sex again (relevant I swear), and afterwards laying on his chest once again, I got up and sat on top of him and grabbed his face and told him "I am so happy and grateful that you chose me." He smiled and said "Of course, I love you." and then we are giggling together and a few minutes later we are all over each other for another go😭😭😭💓💓

Ladies, it has been nearly a YEAR of us being together at this point. I know that is a short amount of time in retrospect, but I don't think this honeymoon phase will ever end for us and holy fuck I truly hope it never does. If any of you are struggling relationship or partner wise, please take this as an example of how full of love a healthy relationship should be. Thanks for reading my long ass boyfriend lore post. LOL

Dinner is a chirashi bowl from a nice place we went to recently :)

Dinner is a poke bowl from a local chain. For context, I got engaged ten days ago to my boyfriend of 2.5 years. Our relationship has been very strong and we have supported each other along the way the whole time. It’s been green flags all along. No exes lurking, no toxic parents, talked extensively about the future since we’re both in medical school, no manipulative behaviors really at all. Granted we’ve had disagreements but nothing foundational we settled that at the start. All of the sudden this week while we have been planning our wedding, my fiance has been in a major depressive breakdown. While everything has been stable in our relationship, i dealt with some traumatic things before I met him. This all came to light last year really since I was really struggling with PTSD flare ups from multiple SAs I experienced in college. It was exacerbated by the med school application process in which I had to justify why I got bad grades certain semesters ( I was dealing with my university’s AWFUL title IX office while having a rigorous class schedule). All of this came out within the past year and unfortunately some of my frustrations with the process have come out towards him. This was a deep fear of mine from the start that I’ve communicated. A lot of times when I was having a flare up as of late it would get worse because he would start talking about areas I need to be held accountable in with the application process. I had told him that is not what I wanted to hear when I’m experiencing those feelings and that we could talk about it when I have settled. He never really did that so one day while I was having a full blown panic attack I told him to give me a minute before he touched me but he didn’t wait and I accidentally hit him. Since then, he has revealed to me the reason why he’s been so depressed and miserable lately is because of me. Before he said it was because of things out of our control so it’s been very jarring to hear this especially after he’s given me the ring. I’m not sure what to do. I still want to get married to him and don’t ever want to leave him. He says the same but how do we go from here on out? I feel guilty and horrible since all of what’s transpired has reaffirmed my fears that I am too much.

You know that gut feeling you get? You can feel your heart racing, chest tightening, and start to feel like you’re going to puke? That’s me when I think about how my husband could be cheating. To be clear, I don’t have concrete evidence. He has cheated in past relationships back when he was in high school. But never on me. But as time has gone on this year, I can’t shake the feeling yk? And it’s not like “wow, what if he was cheating on me?” But genuinely I feel like he is. I want to say it’s my gut, but maybe that’s reaching.

He’s so kind, loving, fantastic with our daughter who’s about to be a year old. He’s always the kindest person in a room, doesn’t yell, doesn’t argue, lets me feel any emotion. But fuck. There’s been little things that I choose to tie to the feeling, yet all have rational reasons. Wipes gone from my bottom drawer. I could have tossed them, but I don’t remember that. Blinds in our bathroom specifically being cracked because he “thought he heard me coming home a few times” but we use Life360 and I always text when I’m coming home from work. He has days off when I’m at work, so the opportunity is there technically. My shelf under my sink looking…disheveled. But I’ve ran late so maybe that’s me. Our garage house door being left unlocked, but he’s the only one who goes into the garage (literally for breastmilk, that’s it) and hadn’t been in there in 2 days to my knowledge. Is the reason he doesn’t argue or anything because he has someone else so he doesn’t have the energy? Or doesn’t need to do everything to fight for the relationship? Or is he just that nice?

I don’t want to tell him anymore how I feel because I don’t want him to think I’m doing something wrong, or on the contrary to make him feel like he has to do better at hiding it. I’m not going to do anything crazy like cameras or something, but damn I can’t shake it. My best friend thinks my body and gut is telling me something and I should listen to it. But I have no reason not to trust him so I feel like shit for not fully trusting him.

My early dinner is a lovely piece of custom ice cream cake. Expensive, but so freaking good (from Coldstone Creamery).

Dinner is marinated zucchini slices.

I had an appointment today in a city 45 min from home. I came back to my car, parked securely in a parking garage, to find a totally flat front tire. Guess I picked up a nail somewhere on my drive today.

I think we have roadside assistance through our car insurance, but needed my husband’s login and he was unreachable (in another country, already asleep). I didn’t panic, I got to work.

Ended up spending about 2 hours changing it. Heels, wedding ring set, leather handbag thrown in the car, on my hands and knees in a linen shirt dress. It’s been 20 years since I was taught how by my dad, and I remembered the general process but had to consult YouTube and the owners manual.

Have to admit, I am really proud of myself for getting the spare emergency tire lowered from under the car, locating the jack point, removing the flat by putting my entire weight on the lug wrench and jumping, then doing the same in the other direction to get the spare on safely. I drove home on the highway over an hour with my hazards on in the right lane (US) to stay under the recommended safe speed for the emergency spare. Covered in dirt and grime but I made it safely and have an appointment to get the tire repaired (if possible).

Pride aside, no fewer than 20 people, including parking garage employees, saw me struggling with the tire. Literally NO ONE stopped to offer any assistance. The owner of the car parked in the space immediately adjacent to me got in and drove off without so much as a word. I was working on the front passenger side tire, so I know they saw me.

What the fuck happened to common decency and human courtesy? Even if you don’t think you’d be any tangible help - what ever happened to asking if someone is ok, if they need help, if they have someone on the way?

Lunch: Pizza.

My ex is living life, happy, employed, successful, and I'm not doing anything. He abused me, drained my confidence, and I cannot look at myself without wanting to cry. I'm so ugly.

I feel disgusting that I let him into my life. I gave him intimate access to me, despite seeing the red flags, and once I left for good—he didn't even care. He let someone else disrespect me, now they're together, and she is getting the version of him that I hoped he'd be. Why did he have to abuse me? I know I'm not beautiful, but I was kind, and I tried to help him.

He was not obligated to love me at all, but he never should've hurt me. He feels no remorse. He is always the victim. He is constantly misunderstood.

He said life was worth living because of her. He said she meant the world to him. I mean the world to no one.

I have been struggling with ideation for 2 1/2 months now, and I'm fighting so hard not to let the thoughts win. I want to make enough money to get cosmetic surgery so I can finally be beautiful.

I'm 22. I'm supposed to be beautiful, but I never got my glow up. I feel like such a fool for thinking someone could like me. My personality is enough. My body is desired. Yet, my face isn't great, so I'm not the full package.

I know I talk about this a lot, but I have no one, and I need someone. Why do people come into my life just to hurt me? Why am I not allowed to be sensitive like everyone else? Because I'm not light-skinned or conventionally attractive? Why do those have to be the requirements?

so i moved in with my boyfriends family about a month ago due to some family problems I was having. it's amazing over here, my boyfriend's family adores me, I have a great time hanging out with everyone and it's all good and chill. however, I cannot stand being left alone in this house. it's a bigger house than what I'm used to and I already struggle with paranoia. I hate hearing creaking floors and feeling like someone will break in (even though we're in a perfectly fine neighborhood) I have been trying to just sit with "it was just the ac kicking on" and "I've checked every floor about 20 times, its fine" idk im a little better now but I would be lying if I said it didnt look up from my phone about 10 times lol.

tl;dr, I hear shit in my boyfriends house all the time while home alone and I don't know what to do to ease my mind

vegan Alfredo for dinner (me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 15 so we didn't move in crazy early knowing each other lmao)

spinach egg wraps + frozen fruit and a Diet Coke

long story short I grew up with relatively no real male attention until recently at 18 after I dropped a bunch of weight and learned how to do makeup

met this guy at a rave trying to deal, he called me pretty and we just ended up talking, he gave me his number and we coincidently saw eachother at another rave and he had his arm around me yada yada

lately I’ve just been doing the most impulsive shit so I said f it and we met up last night, it ended up going way farther than just kissing. We have like absolutely nothing in common, he’s an underground rapper, and obviously just wanted to get into my pants

idk why I do this to myself lol, at the end of the day I just want a guy to actually gaf about me but it seems I can’t achieve that whether I’m fat, ugly or skinny and attractive

anyway even tho ik he could give less of af about me I’m craving his attention and anxious for a message back help lollxoksowjdksjdj

Recently after the Cornell 7 incident I've seen many women come out about their stories. It is truly so sad how many women go through what they do and their perpetrator never gets in trouble or even has to take accountability. It's truly so sad, and they have to deal with long term trauma and PTSD due to these circumstances.

While reading some things, a thought came into my mind, is there anything that is actually protecting women from awful things like this happening? so my question is, would anyone buy a product that truly protects you? not a birdie alarm or any alarm of that.

(Dinner is pesto salmon, and roasted corn leftover from work)

I’m in my 20s dating a man 15+ years older who is divorced with kids. My parents strongly disapprove because of the age gap and his past, but he treats me well and we both want a future together.

He recently bought a house and is stressed about managing everything alone. I’ve tried to help by researching, doing financial calculations, joining viewings/renovation meetings, and offering ideas, but he often rejects my suggestions as impractical or over budget. Eventually I became quieter because I felt like my efforts weren’t helping.

He now feels that I don’t care about our future or want to go through the hard parts with him. He also brought up his ex-wife, who handled the household responsibilities when they lived together, and worried if I could do the same?

I want to move in with him eventually, but I’m not financially independent, I’m continuing my studies, and I still have my parents to consider. I’ve also started hiding my own problems because I don’t want to add to his mental load, which has made me more distant.

I love him and want to support him, but I constantly feel useless, helpless, or like a burden. I’ve even considered leaving so he can find someone more compatible, despite him saying he can handle things himself and wants me in his future.

What can I realistically do to support him without feeling like I’m never doing enough?

Edit: Sorry for the confusion but I know this wouldn't make a difference but the kids are going to live with their mom, and he's alone in the house now. I guess he's just sharing his concerns but I feel hurt that I can't do anything. Their marriage ended because both of them fell out of love and I could see both of them respecting each other as co-parents.

A&W Nashville hot burger, with a side of Doritos and Diet Pepsi

New account because I feel like my coworker might recognize me. I know she’s a regular on this subreddit.

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I can’t stop thinking about it. It started with the occasional thoughts. Just wondering how it would be if he was a girl. Then me and my coworker kept talking, and joking about I’m attracted to women. Like obviously I check out women, they are pretty. I kept denying it, I’ve went down that path, I didn’t like it. Everyone was telling me don’t let one bad experience with girl on girl convince you you aren’t into them but I denied it. I’m not into girls, no way. Then yesterday I was showering and couldn’t get the thought out my head. I wish I was a boy so I can date girls like I date guys. Then now all I can think about is how bad I wish my boyfriend was a girl. I wish he had parts I can’t understand why in the world I would ever want him to have them. I’ve been adamant I don’t like those parts, I don’t like boobs. I don’t, I swear I didn’t so why do I wish my boyfriend had them so bad. Why can’t I look away when a pretty girl passes by.

Today I’m at work, I’ve only been here for an hour and I just keep watching pretty women pass by and I can’t take my eyes away. Then I suddenly realize I’ve never looked at a guy the same way I look at a girl. I’ve been wondering for months why I don’t seem to feel as attracted to my boyfriend as I should. I thought something was wrong with me, I love him. I do, i genuinely do, I love being around him and I love him in my life. But he’s not a girl…

Yesterday I had my first experience with straight sex and man was it amazing. But I kept thinking about how it would work if he was a girl. How it would have to be a strap on. While actively having sex with him.

Am I into chicks? Do I even like men? I’m so lost. How do I even talk about this to anyone. What if I’m just confused about my identity and freaking out over a small detail.

This is a little rant. Because currently I regret all the outfits I wore on my recent dates. Don't get me wrong, I loved them and felt comfortable. But they didn't help the issue that I look young. I want to look like a woman. But due my height (5'1) and my "baby face" do I just look quite young. Which is pretty uncomfortable.

My date even told me that his friend requested to see my ID because they assumed I'm underage (I'm in my 20s) and kept Mention it. I told him it's not the best for a woman to hear from her date that they perceive her as underage.

I wore my favourite shoes. They're cute. Red cute shoes with an small apple on it. The comment I got: "they don't help you to look older." BUT I LIKE CUTE STUFF. A WOMAN WHO IS 5'7 COULD WEAR THOSE WITHOUT ANY ISSUES. WHY AM I A KIDDO NOW JUST BECAUSE I LIKE CUTE STUFF (love my tall woman im sorry).

Of course I also have outfits that look more mature and that I regret now that I didn't wear them (my other outfits didn't look childish either just not that mature) but it just upsets me that this is something I "need" to be insecure about.

I don't feel like I'm on the same level as my date. I feel like a child. It's uncomfortable. I feel like I'm not being perceived as a grown woman. But I AM a grown woman. I deserve to be treated like one. This makes me so embarrassed, I wish they would understand how humiliated this topic makes me feel.

My whole life I need to hear that I look like some kid. IM NOT. my brother told me once that guys who like me are eventually pedos because I look so young. I feel disgusting. Im scared to date taller man because I'm scared I seem like a child. This is so upsetting.

And I can't even complain shit about it without seeming like a "pick me"

Food: crispy chicken with a chili dip & salad with fries on the side.

At my workplace, my current manager (F) married, was kind of romantically involved with her manager (my manager's manager) she'd get all him to agree on everything blindly though both being married and with kids (to separate people). It was annoying cus she was ALWAYS in his cabin while we all including her sit in an open workspace area. She was even made interim head when he was away. It was annoying for all of us because he'd not listen to us and blindly follow her even for bad/wrong things. Fast forward to now when the prev head left and a new head joined in his place (also M and married) except there's a new woman in picture. One other woman in my team but handles a different sub team is now romantically involved with the new head boss. This is even worse because she apparently created notions about each person in the team and that's how the mew boss views people. The thing is she is a bitch. She barely spoke good about like 2 men and all the bad things about all the other women in the team. Now he hates us.
He barely listens or acknowledges our feedbacks and runs like a headless chicken behind her. She literally orders him "hey, I can't join this meeting, can you cover for me?" Despite being a reportee to this womanizer new boss!
I had an argument with this crazy lady today something about work and she involved him and he calls me to basically shut me up.
I wanna leave this toxic workplace but job market is super bad 😭

Just wanted to rant cus I am feeling so miserable.
How do women manipulate men at such bigger positions and get them to follow? It's not fair!

Anyway dinner is cold cheese sourdough with salad and a turkish string cheese.

Soft serve Tiramisu😋

Me and my boyfriend have been going through a rough patch. 6 months ago he broke up(to revenge me) with me (he was still talking to me at that point about fixing things) and went with another woman. I saw the girl in his followers I was still very attached so I texted her how she knows him. She never replied. They went for one date but soon after he got back with me. I didn’t know he went on any dates I got back with him till one night I saw their messages on instagram. I made him block her and delete her.

I never knew during this time he had unblocked her and around 2 weeks ago added her on instagram again. Mind you during this time I am still at his place living with him. He tells me hates me wants me to leave but at the same time makes me not leave? Basically making me fix everything and breadcrumbing me. So they start talking again and I have no idea. Last week on Friday they go on a date he drives 3 hours lying to me that he is going somewhere else, I keep calling him and he blocks me.

He has two phones, one the phones were left at home. I took his phone and logged into his instagram and there I see her. I try messaging her from my instagram to let her know that this guy is cheating on his gf and realize soon that she has restricted people that do not follow her to text her.

By no means I am saying my bf is good, he is a shit and I know that. I have anxious attachment and I am working on it. He is probably the worst human being there is.

But this girl made my blood boil as a girl if some other girl texts me asking how I know that person I would not even engage with that person anymore or I would ask who are you and try to see why they are texting me but no she was so desperate to accept his request again after he blocked her and removed her. On top of that making her acct like that right after I texted her before seems so pathetic. I ended up texting her from his acct saying I am cheating on my gf that is living with me rn. And she still proceeded to text WTF do you mean. Like girl r u that down bad that you want to be associated with a cheater. I can’t imagine only going on one date and then being so desperate over someone when I can clearly see that they have ties with other people.

I know I am messed up with staying with him too but at least I had a 2 year relationship with him, and I am holding onto how he was to me before. Maybe she was looking forward to him taking her on vacations and stuff because he has money. But it just feels so messed up. If she didn’t know I would’ve said ok it is not her fault but she clearly knew what she was getting into.

Tonight’s girl dinner is chicken, broccoli, and rice while I sit here overthinking my relationship lol.
My ex and I have been going back over what happened between us, and something I’m really struggling with is how many issues he apparently had with me or our relationship that he never actually communicated to me while we were together. I didn’t know these things were bothering him, so I never had the opportunity to address them, understand where he was coming from, or try to make things better.
He doesn’t consider that lying because he technically never said anything untrue—he just didn’t tell me what he was feeling. I see it differently. To me, if you’re quietly building resentment or having serious doubts about your relationship while continuing to act like everything is okay, there’s an element of emotional withholding or lying by omission there.
Obviously I don’t think your partner is entitled to every single thought that crosses your mind. But if something is bothering you enough that it eventually becomes part of why you end the relationship, I feel like your partner deserved the chance to know there was a problem before it reached that point.
So tonight’s dinner thought: where is the line between simply keeping something to yourself and lying by omission in a relationship?

EDIT: We live together for anyone wondering why we are still talking and my moving has been pushed back because my grandmother has passed and its a lot right now.

My husband hurt me a long time ago and I never really got over it. The last time was 1.5 years ago and so much had happened since then. He went to therapy and we were separated for 4 months. Our relationship is now better than ever in a lot of ways. I can talk to him about anything now. But the only thing I’m not allowed to talk to him about is that. He’s sick of hearing about it. But i still think about it everyday. Yesterday he could tell I was thinking about something. He asked me what’s on my mind. I was thinking about the time he punched me in the back for the first time one month after we got married 2 years ago and I was remembering how I felt. It was so shocking and came out of nowhere. But I just tell him nothing. And he says ok you’re just zoned out.

We really did talk about it a lot and now when I bring it up he will bring up something I did wrong. Last year right before we separated, a famous person DM’d me wanting to get together. For some reason I told my husband. I wanted to make him jealous so he could see what he had. We had messaged with each other before and I lied about that. My husband found out the truth. So now when I bring up things that happened in the past he brings that up and to say “you did me wrong too” and this is why he has trust issues.

I still think about the times he hurt me every day. I still feel on edge and I still can’t fully relax around him. I still feel scared about him doing it again. It has been a really long time and now we’re expecting our first baby soon. I’m due in less than 3 months. I know I should leave but how can I now that he’s better, trying, and we have a baby on the way? I really fucked up by getting pregnant and now it feels like it’s too late to do anything. I have tried all kinds of therapy but nothing really works. It helps me to talk about it on here and just get it all out. A kind Redditor reached out and offered me free IFS therapy so I will try that later today. I really hope it helps.