We are both completely over committed, tired, stressed and had to cancel vacation even because we didn't plan anything.

Most of our activities revolve around housework, things that I have planned in group hangs or working out.

He's hyper aware of the male loneliness problem, and calls and texts his long distance friends regularly. He just lacks any IRL friends. All his IRL "friends" are non planners, busy or travel for work.

This regularly bums him out. And brings me down because I have hyper local friends. He even took one of my friends out to hang the other day and I was THRILLED.

I'll try to invite acquaintances along to things but he usually turns the idea down over stress of cross scheduling.

I think he needs to broaden his friend base. And chill out.

I know a solution would be to free up some of his time to go out of the house, but I literally cannot. He takes any free time and fills it with things on his to do list.

I'm at a loss. It's been years of this.

He has interests, hobbies, there are local activities he could join or do. He just doesn't have the time. He needs a chore friend ideally, but like, can I hire one? Do you want to be his friend?

DINNER, COCONUT CURRY SHRIMP + RICE & PEAS OR JOLLOF

Well at the ripe age of 21 I am getting off my dads phone plan after he threatened to cut me off of it for not speaking to him as much as he thinks I should. I have my reasons, we are very different people and I have butted head with him many times in my high school years. When I moved to my grandparents house (which is 45 minutes away and he also does not like them, heheh I do! Bc they don’t yell and they are nice and don’t make me anxious as hell, and their house is cleann!) he was not happy I was living with them but I was 18 so he couldn’t do anything.

Recently I’ve really distanced myself from him bc the last few times I went to visit he has just been in horrible moods and would refuse to interact with anyone especially me and my boyfriend (who I’m realizing he also isn’t a fan of, but guess what!!! I love my boyfriend bc he doesn’t make me cry and respects me)

Well it came to a head Sunday when I vaguely told me I had to come over to their house and have a talk. Refused to tell me what it was for so I drop everything (even though I needed to study and still do need to study for midterms) to go see them bc I thought someone was dying. Nope! He just threatened me and told me he was gonna cut me off financially if I didn’t talk to him more. (The only bills he pays are my phone and my mom pays for my insurance…I pay for my college, my clothes, any other medical bills I have to pay if insurance doesn’t.)
So, that really upset me ofc, so, I decided I was gonna get off his phone plan. Told my grandparents what was up and they said they’d put me on theirs so I didn’t have to worry abt another bill. (The GOATs of this whole situation) so I switched my number and I just got my new phone today (going from an iPhone 12 Pro Max to a IPhone 17 pro) But I am still going to call him and tell him I’m on my own plan now. (I’m not telling him I’m on my grandparents or he’s gonna flip out on me and them and I’m not gonna let that happen.) Soo I’m very nervous but my boyfriend is gonna sit me through this, and I guess I just need to extra confidence by posting on here that I’m doing the right thing.

Girl Dinner is cheddar and sour cream ruffles (they were out of the flaming hot 😞☹️) and water from my hello kitty cup, with a side of midterm studies! Not pictured is an empty bag of dried passion fruit I had earlier.

i keep telling myself that my job is only 2 hours a day (today it is at least) and i will get through it. it’s just really demanding emotionally and physically too sometimes. i have to be there in an hour and 40, then after another 2 hours im done and i have three days off. this weekend im going to the apple orchard and hosting a friendsgiving (canada), so this should be a really fun weekend. i’m also getting paid so i wanna get a few new items of clothes. or maybe a coach bag from this week’s drop? idk hehe

Day old cold nachos.

First post here. Sorry if my formatting and writing isnt good. I'm tired and just want to get this off my chest.

A couple months ago I (early 20s) had this girl (early 20s) from a different department waving and greeting me as we crossed paths. I didnt know her or even know her name. Didnt think much on it at first. Maybe ive just forgotten her from when I used to work that department. So anyways time goes and sometimes catch her talking to my friend group at work. Im not a people person so i dont really interact much. But I've noticed how even when I'm not really interacting much that she still seemed to want to talk to me. At one point she was talking to one of my friends as i walked up and she was complaining to him that i wont have a proper conversation with her. Not long after that she finally asks for my contact info. I was a bit hesitant but decided whats the worst that can happen. Long story short We message and had our first proper conversation. Turns out she had a crush on me this whole time. We really hit it off. Had a lot in common and started dating.

We dated for over a month. It was amazing. Talked non stop to each other. Both in and out of work. Timed our lunch breaks together. Ate and shared food together. Did many things in that short amount of time. Almost felt like a lifetime in itself. We had amazing compatibility. Went on a lot of dates. Discord call nearly every day. Most beautiful smile you ever seen. Loved hearing and seeing her talk and work on her passions. There wasn't a single thing I disliked about her or our time together. First time i ever felt such a strong connection. No infatuated feelings. I liked her and it felt so genuine and was mutual.

Then I screwed everything up. I wont really go into details but essentially i said some things. I Never meant to hurt her. But she ended things right after that. We didnt really communicate much on it but She was pissed at me and told me she didn't want to date me anymore. And that was that. I dont blame her.

That was 3 weeks ago. It hit me hard. You wouldnt think you would have so much memories from dating someone for a month but she is all I could think about. The many things we did. All the jokes we made. I ruined it.

We probably will never talk to each other again. Never even making eye contact. Unable to give her a proper apology. See that smile i fell for.

But life moves on. I will soon move to a new apartment. Maybe Walk around in the park nearby. Pickup my old hobbies like skateboarding. Perhaps find my enjoyment in life again. I will be alright. She will be alright. Thats all that matters.

I didnt really make this post for any particular reason. Maybe to vent about this pretty girl i got to meet this past month and a half and the unfortunate outcome. I don't need or want pitty or advice. All i can do is reflect, improve, and move on.

Thanks for listening. Have a good day!

He cancelled our date. I got the text after a few days of silence and my stomach dropped.

We had only exchanged a few messages, I wasn't especially excited. I thought going on a date with another guy so my type was kinda silly anyway.

So why did it hurt?

Because his excuse was really wonderful. He explained he had met someone he really liked and wanted to pursue things more seriously with her. He was apologetic, said I seemed great and wished me the best.

It hurt because as much as I try to decenter men I want that so bad. To be enough to keep a guys attention, to be his first choice, for him to want me over any other woman. I didn't want this man specifically, just someone, one day. I want whatever those women have that makes men commit.

Overripe banana

I live in Tennessee in the US (have my whole life) and man I’m going fucking crazy here because of the heat. I’ve lived with it my whole life and I hate it!!!! I know there are places that have it worse, but with my own health issues and sensory issues — I’m neurodivergent, and temperature (specifically heat) is probably the biggest sensory thing that messes me up, to the point that I probably lowkey qualify for summertime seasonal depression — I just can’t deal with the heat. Obviously the solution to this issue is to move somewhere else farther up north in a climate that’s better suited to me, and I absolutely want to do that, but unfortunately that’s not something I can do right now. I’m unemployed at the moment (gonna have to go to grad school to broaden my career options) and living with my parents as a result, so I am nowhere near in a place financially to up and move across the country. So, I have to find some way to survive and stay sane in the meantime. But how tf am I supposed to do that?! Genuinely, I’m asking!!

I’m starting to feel a little hopeless and depressed about the weather because it’s fucking October now and we’re still seeing temps in the 80s. I was hopeful because the forecast was showing highs in the mid to low 70s for next week but now it’s showing mid to high 70s low 80s. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take mid to high 70s as opposed to mid to high 80s, but man I was really hoping that we were actually going to go into fall now, but NOPE!!!! And I know we’re in Super Mega Evil El Niño right now, but jeez I hate it so much and while this weather is worse than usual the whole pattern of summer weather dominating the year is one that’s been true my whole life and has given me grief my whole life.

I want to go outside, I want to go for walks and to spend time in parks and to sit on the porch, but it’s too hot for all of that!!!!! I’ve learned that having outdoor time of some kind or another is really important for my mental health but I can’t reliably get that in this environment!!! Pretty much the only time it gets anywhere near comfortable for me is at night, and I do like to sit on the porch at night, but that’s really all I can do because I don’t feel safe going for a walk or going to a park or something. And even at night it’s sometimes hot enough that I have to bring a little handheld fan with me onto the porch! (In the dead of summer there were even times where it was hot enough at night that even my trusty fan didn’t cut it and I just had to capitulate for the evening.)

It also makes me so depressed to think that this is just going to get worse and worse with global warming (already has). Fall and spring are my favorite seasons and it feels like we see less and less of them every year. This issue is only going to get worse and worse and spread to more and more locations, including ones that are further north in latitude that are supposed to be places to escape this kind of weather. I just want the outdoors to not feel so inhospitable to human life, is that too much to ask?

Idk, I guess this post is half overstimulation fueled rant and half plea for advice. I just feel increasingly hopeless with each week that passes that the weather stays hot and am looking for any advice anyone might have to share on how to cope with it. My mental health isn’t in the greatest place already and I was really hoping the weather might bring me some relief and make dealing with the other things I’ve got going on a little easier but evidently that’s still a couple of weeks off. Hopefully I can move sometime in the next couple of years but I fear this will becoming a recurring and somewhat inescapable issue given global warming, so I feel like we need to start developing arsenals of coping skills both on the individual level and in a broader psychological research context.

Lime jello because my stomach has been upset the past week.

Dinner: Homemade chicken alfredo pasta

There's no hope for women. Every day, you'll see or meet or hear GROWN women complain about the most jarring things ever, and what's crazier is that they'd rather stay in that birdcage than get out of it. It's insane. When a patriarchal view of these women gets challenged, their immediate response is to either bash or put you down or proceed to talk about how much they actually enjoy being in that cage, that it's a comfortable cage, how dare we try to take that comfort away from them; it's their choice, this is misogyny, etc etc 🫩🫩🫩

Internalised misogyny is sad. It's ingrained in us, but at some point, we need to wake up and start respecting ourselves, at least to a degree. But then you see women complain about how they're in relationships, and their partners hate core aspects of who they are as a person, as a human, and expect us to coddle them like ??? I'm just so tired of it all. Be it social media or IRL, male-centred women are a dime a dozen, and it just makes me so mad, sad, irritated, annoyed, and everything and nothing at the same time. I wish we could come together more often and speak for what actually matters. There's still so much that's yet to be achieved for us but as things are right now, I feel nothing but dread as a woman.

Hello Everyone,

While eating my Cava bowl I came to a realization.

I am feeling quite stuck and unsure how to proceed. Maybe it is me? I want to know.

I am in a relationship of two years, with an infant. I have another child 3 years of age from a different relationship. I understand already that sounds bad. I was young and thought I was in love.

My SO and I took a vacation at the beginning of my pregnancy. When we arrived home, I did the irrational thing and checked his phone due to an odd gut feeling. Gut feeling was sort of correct when I discovered he was complaining to a family member that he felt "trapped" with me essentially. He was describing that I am pregnant again and that he is stuck. Again, was due to a miscarriage we endured beginning 4 months prior to this event. I funded the entire trip since he was financially stressed. He said it was due to the stress. That it meant something entirely different. I ended up dropping it. That was the start of it going downhill I feel.

My SO proposed to me when I was heavily pregnant. I was very excited to plan a wedding however was met with a lack of excitement in comparison to myself. When I was induced to have our baby, he was ill. He was trying to convince me to stay pregnant for another week so it will pass, however I hadn't gotten sick yet and knew either way one of us will be sick when the baby is here. After our baby was born, he was coughing constantly in the hospital- waking the newborn up all the time. I was irritated and expressed my frustration. He left the hospital room, and I ended up crying my feelings out.

Fast forward to now, I have constantly been met with lack of intimacy (sex once a week, no kisses besides in passing, no cuddles unless I initiate, no hugs, doesn't even hold hands in public). I feel as though I am a roommate or invisible. When we do have sex, that is the only time I get complimented on my looks. And normally it is pertaining to my assets. He is the main supporter of the household? Kind of. We split rent 50/50 however he makes more so he foots the grocery bill and other misc items.

He isn't a bad guy. He does things when I ask. He doesn't tell me no when I ask to buy something. He is supportive of who I am and my trauma. He is like a dog, waiting to be told what to do. He would never do anything on his own volition. I clean, I cook, I do laundry with his help occasionally. I breastfeed our child. I work overnights so I still have days with my kids.

I have explained these emotions to him, but I am always met with "If I didn't want this I wouldn't be here" or "I pay for things, I do XYZ. What else is there to give?"

I want consideration. I want love. It's very tough.

I feel incredibly selfish for thinking this isn't enough but I am so drained.

Is this a normal thing after having a baby? (I did not stay with my oldest's father long enough to know this)

Please help. I don't know what to do.

Dinner: deep fried oyster mushrooms

I considered him the most amazing person. So damn caring and we bonded like family right off the bat. He also had a gf when we first met so I had this kind of confidence that let me befriend him without fearing he would make a move like guys usually do. And he never did, neither of us ever felt remotely romantically interested ever.

We have been through some of the best and worst together. From not sleeping for 3 days straight on a trip for a competition to only the two of us being there for his birthday (he had broken up, the girl had cheated with our mutual friend :/), I loved him so much and made it known. I also confirmed that it was purely platonic when we were drunk and he assured me it was. He was like family.

Cut to a few months back, his behaviour changed. It coincided with him committing to a new girl but I cannot know whether or not the change in behaviour is because of her. I can tell she doesn't like me because she has been very very weird to me on something completely unrelated (something about a job offer). My roommate heard her talk as she was on speakerphone and even she was shocked. I have never tried to disrespect her boundaries so I genuinely have zero clue as to why.

We generally met once a month and rarely ever talk on call or text. But since earlier this year, he got even more careless? Not responding to my calls or texts even when they were urgent. Twice, his gf told me that she had asked him to pick my call and he hadn't, that one hurt so bad?

I confronted him about much of this and he apologised. What truly broke me was when I fainted and went to the hospital and shared my location with him and my ex because literally no one else was in the city. I fainted again in the hospital and the doctors wouldn't let me go unless I called someone. I called him three times and he never picked up. Finally, my ex had to come. When I brought it up, he told me he was super busy with office work till night and never had the chance to pick up the call.

He did not meet me after. I moved back to my hometown and he never came to meet then either.
Most recently, I asked him if there was anything new with his job and he told me he was moving cities when it was already decided a week before.

I finally asked him what was up. I did not have it in me to keep confronting when it seemed like a feature not a bug. I told him I cannot even have an open discussion because he just will never pick my calls. He responded to my texts in 12 hr intervals knowing that I was hurt and proved my point. Finally he asked to talk on call when free and I turned it down because I simply didn't have it in me. He didn't ask again.

This was when I finally realised it was too coincidental for him to always be busy when it came to me, even when I was in a hospital alone with literally no one else to rely on. I have loved him so deeply and so this is hurting just as deep. I cannot figure if this is how he always was and I didn't realise or if he has changed.

I tell myself that I don't care every day and end up crying a little and grieving our friendship nonetheless.

Hey girls, today I have chicken tenders 😋.

Honestly, I thought it would never happen. I tried for 3 years and got rejected for 2 years. I thought it was too late for me, but they let me in!!!!

Omg I needed somewhere to share. I’ve been with my bf for a year and a half. We’ve known each other for 3.5ish years. I was smitten with him the first shift we worked together but kept it to myself bc he was married and technically my superior at first. His marriage ended amicably 2 years ago, his ex-wife is amazing and they're a good team co-parenting. She wanted to divorce in 2023 but she ended up having their 2nd instead, oops.

This past year, he helped me get a presentation in front of researchers from another institution and I ended up making incredible connections that are giving me opportunities I’ve only ever dreamed about. He paid for me to attend the conference, let me use his miles for flights, etc. He watched my presentation on the webinar and then when I got back to my hotel he sent me ice cream with a note that said he was proud of me, which was just SO ahhhh.

Ok ok so anyway this past weekend I was with him, his kids, his sister, and his mom at his mom’s house. He was making lunch for us inside, the rest of us were outside, and his sister just flat out asked her mom “Did Pat get grandma’s ring resized?” and his mom was like SHE’S RIGHT THERE and I thought I was going to throw up!!!! I was like “What are you talking about!?!?” and she spilled that he asked for Grandma’s ring and said “which, btw, he never brought it up with Ex-Wife.”

I was like “Ohhh maybe he just wants to keep it safe for (his daughter)!” and his mom and sister both looked at me like I was crazy.

His mom was like “honey your name has been coming out of his mouth like a prayer for 3 years"

Back when I thought I was doing a really good job of hiding my crush on him and thought he was just a really nice guy. Apparently he talked about me as a colleague so much his mama called him out and he admitted he was crazy about me long before the divorce was over, and the six months before he asked me out (that he made HIMSELF wait lol) he'd watch me go on hinge dates and text bomb his sister all nervous I’d meet a guy and he’d lose his chance. This grown man 🥹

He also never told me he was interested in me for that long. It made me think about how much I might've missed by being oblivious to it, bc he was married so it was only ever in my head fantasies. But the whole time his mama knew my name?!

They said they had no idea when he planned to propose to me but that it was definitely something that was coming. And we’ve talked about marriage and the future but I don’t think it hit me that it could happen this soon. Omg. His grandma’s ring. A part of me is dying to know why his ex wife didn’t get it, even though I know better than to compare us. Still can't help but wonder. omg ahhhh lol.

I had this lovely brownie in a dessert bar on my trip in Addis Ababa!

So I’ve had a new guy friend for a couple months now. At first he started off as a person I’d call to go places as he used to have a transport service in uni as a side hustle so whenever I was late for work I’d call him to take me. Fast forward he graduated in July, got a job and he’d ask me for tips and I’d gladly tell him this was way before I ever thought of anything like friendship growing farther.

So now we’ve established a friendship and it’s only NOW I’m finding out he has a girlfriend. I mean I’m glad to know but that’s only because I asked. It doesn’t feel like he was hiding it but I don’t know I think it’s something to tell someone. Because we’ve had conversations ranging from him asking me what’s my type, to him telling me he’s planning a trip to Malaysia and he invited me to join him, to him telling me that he wants to plan a layover when passing the country I’m in so we can go out for dinner, get drinks and have fun… I mean I’m down for all this but I feel like when it comes to girl/guy friendships their should be boundaries? Or is it just me? At some point it almost made me feel like he has a thing for me and I kinda started becoming fond of him in that way but now it just left me feeling a bit indifferent about our friendship. And when I asked him how comes he’s never told me he said that the topic made him feel weird. I don’t know girlies what do you guys think??

How would yall discern this situation?

Hello. I just wanted to share my frustration with my driving school.
First, let me explain how things work where I’m from. By law, you have to enroll in a driving school and take lessons before you can take your driving test.
I decided to get a motorcycle license. There are basically three types of motorcycles/scooters: automatic scooters, geared motorcycles without a clutch, and geared motorcycles with a manual clutch.
I specifically want to ride a geared motorcycle without a clutch. When I signed up at the driving school, however, they told me that in order to ride a geared motorcycle, I would need to take the test on a motorcycle with a clutch.
The problem is that this apparently isn’t true. According to the law, the clutch restriction applies to a completely different category of motorcycles. A geared motorcycle without a clutch doesnt require you to take the test on a clutch motorcycle.
So when I went to practice on the motorcycle, I realized that it was extremely difficult for me and, more importantly, I had absolutely no interest in riding that type of motorcycle to begin with.
So I called the school and explained the situation, asking if I could change the type of examination. They had no idea whether it was possible and seemed completely unbothered by the fact that I had been given incorrect information in the first place.
At this point I started panicking because I had already paid at least half of the cost of the lessons, and I really didn’t want to continue with a license category that I didn’t even need.
I called them again and told them that, if they couldn’t fix the situation, I wanted them to give me my paperwork so I could transfer to another driving school.
And suddenly, their attitude completely changed. They became very friendly and helpful and told me that, actually, it was definitely possible to change the examination and that they would help me with everything. Now that ended up making me even more stressed and annoyed because why did I have to go through all this? I have already contacted another school, I am so tired.
Here is a picture of a cocktail with loaded nachos

Lunch: Pizza.

My ex is living life, happy, employed, successful, and I'm not doing anything. He abused me, drained my confidence, and I cannot look at myself without wanting to cry. I'm so ugly.

I feel disgusting that I let him into my life. I gave him intimate access to me, despite seeing the red flags, and once I left for good—he didn't even care. He let someone else disrespect me, now they're together, and she is getting the version of him that I hoped he'd be. Why did he have to abuse me? I know I'm not beautiful, but I was kind, and I tried to help him.

He was not obligated to love me at all, but he never should've hurt me. He feels no remorse. He is always the victim. He is constantly misunderstood.

He said life was worth living because of her. He said she meant the world to him. I mean the world to no one.

I have been struggling with ideation for 2 1/2 months now, and I'm fighting so hard not to let the thoughts win. I want to make enough money to get cosmetic surgery so I can finally be beautiful.

I'm 22. I'm supposed to be beautiful, but I never got my glow up. I feel like such a fool for thinking someone could like me. My personality is enough. My body is desired. Yet, my face isn't great, so I'm not the full package.

I know I talk about this a lot, but I have no one, and I need someone. Why do people come into my life just to hurt me? Why am I not allowed to be sensitive like everyone else? Because I'm not light-skinned or conventionally attractive? Why do those have to be the requirements?

Soft serve Tiramisu😋

Me and my boyfriend have been going through a rough patch. 6 months ago he broke up(to revenge me) with me (he was still talking to me at that point about fixing things) and went with another woman. I saw the girl in his followers I was still very attached so I texted her how she knows him. She never replied. They went for one date but soon after he got back with me. I didn’t know he went on any dates I got back with him till one night I saw their messages on instagram. I made him block her and delete her.

I never knew during this time he had unblocked her and around 2 weeks ago added her on instagram again. Mind you during this time I am still at his place living with him. He tells me hates me wants me to leave but at the same time makes me not leave? Basically making me fix everything and breadcrumbing me. So they start talking again and I have no idea. Last week on Friday they go on a date he drives 3 hours lying to me that he is going somewhere else, I keep calling him and he blocks me.

He has two phones, one the phones were left at home. I took his phone and logged into his instagram and there I see her. I try messaging her from my instagram to let her know that this guy is cheating on his gf and realize soon that she has restricted people that do not follow her to text her.

By no means I am saying my bf is good, he is a shit and I know that. I have anxious attachment and I am working on it. He is probably the worst human being there is.

But this girl made my blood boil as a girl if some other girl texts me asking how I know that person I would not even engage with that person anymore or I would ask who are you and try to see why they are texting me but no she was so desperate to accept his request again after he blocked her and removed her. On top of that making her acct like that right after I texted her before seems so pathetic. I ended up texting her from his acct saying I am cheating on my gf that is living with me rn. And she still proceeded to text WTF do you mean. Like girl r u that down bad that you want to be associated with a cheater. I can’t imagine only going on one date and then being so desperate over someone when I can clearly see that they have ties with other people.

I know I am messed up with staying with him too but at least I had a 2 year relationship with him, and I am holding onto how he was to me before. Maybe she was looking forward to him taking her on vacations and stuff because he has money. But it just feels so messed up. If she didn’t know I would’ve said ok it is not her fault but she clearly knew what she was getting into.

Even in my own life, I feel like someone who’s just waiting for another’s person plot line. My life is just my small business, paying the bills, staying home and watching shows with my boyfriend, sleep, repeat. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and the life we’re building. I just wish that life included more friends.

I think I just lack the ability to form true connections with people. If I were a cast member of a show, I wouldn’t be Seinfeld or even Kramer, I’d be Newman. I’m Gunther from Friends. Being a Toby is so lonely all the time.

I fixated on watching television as a neurodivergent child who moved around a LOT, being raised on shows wildly inappropriate for my age like when I was Marc Cherry’s biggest fan at 11 watching Desperate Housewives. And it felt different as a masking teen who did her best to fit in with the popular kids, I was in constant contact with people I haven’t spoken to since graduation day. I thought we were all destined to find our Samanthas, Charlottes and Mirandas, but instead of taking advantage of living in a big city away from home, I went to a time-consuming program at film school in a class with all boys. Recently, I even joined a knitting group at the library to try and make friends in my early thirties but after a year and a half, most people just stick with their friend groups.

I just wish I had someone other than a boy to talk about my day, my hobbies, my feelings, to be held with the same importance I hold for all my friends. To me, my best friend is main cast but I don’t think I am in hers. And I know I have friends, I just wish I played a role in their lives other than the character they leave on read. I’d settle for secondary cast.

food is leftover braised brisket, chickpeas in homemade tomato sauce over mashed potatoes

cookie dough for dinner. i am an adult and these are the decisions i make happily.

anyways hi!! i have a q. and would like some input from non-family/friend.

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over 2 months now. call me naive, but i really feel like he is my soulmate. we both want to marry each other in the future. he takes such such suchhhh good care of me. we have all the same goals, and a lot of our opinions on things align. i could go on and on. not the point of this.

how short of a time to date is too short? like, is getting engaged after 3 months insane? obviously we will continue to get to know each other for the rest of our lives, but when you know you know, right?

we’re both 24 and live close to one another. we’ll probably move in once married or engaged. we both have jobs with steady income, so saving up for a wedding is not even a huge thing luckily.

the people in my life make it seem like you have to date for months or years to be normal. how long do you need to date to know, or is it based on intuition?? men yes you are allowed to chime in here i would love your opinions. xx

Hi girls,

I feel disappointed with my bf. I recently went to support his sister event and i the cost was pricey. His mum kindly paid for food for everyone.

I have been invited to another event (baby shower) and it involves 2 hours travel up/down and is slightly costly. I have been spending a lot recently. My bf also asked if i go home with his place after so i will have three travel trips or trains to take.

I kindly suggested he helped with that train ticket if he wanted me to come to his place cause its too much otherwise if he covered food costs at his family house that would help. He makes more than me and has more money although hes been unemployed but recently has got a good paying job. He said in that case dont come to the shower and just come to his place cause he has other stuff he wants to pay for for himself upcoming.

I also wanted to bring a cake as last two times i brought chocolate so i dont like coming empty handed so i was looking forward. I feel disappointed that hes not meeting me in the middle with this as i am making effort. I also feel like skipping on visiting him.

Just ranting girls. Maybe i am in the wrong.idk but thanks for listening ♡

Tonight’s girl dinner is chicken, broccoli, and rice while I sit here overthinking my relationship lol.
My ex and I have been going back over what happened between us, and something I’m really struggling with is how many issues he apparently had with me or our relationship that he never actually communicated to me while we were together. I didn’t know these things were bothering him, so I never had the opportunity to address them, understand where he was coming from, or try to make things better.
He doesn’t consider that lying because he technically never said anything untrue—he just didn’t tell me what he was feeling. I see it differently. To me, if you’re quietly building resentment or having serious doubts about your relationship while continuing to act like everything is okay, there’s an element of emotional withholding or lying by omission there.
Obviously I don’t think your partner is entitled to every single thought that crosses your mind. But if something is bothering you enough that it eventually becomes part of why you end the relationship, I feel like your partner deserved the chance to know there was a problem before it reached that point.
So tonight’s dinner thought: where is the line between simply keeping something to yourself and lying by omission in a relationship?

EDIT: We live together for anyone wondering why we are still talking and my moving has been pushed back because my grandmother has passed and its a lot right now.

Dear Girlies, I’m not okay. I 38f feel like a complete failure. I’m so sad. I have 2 children 13 and 5 with a man I’ve known my entire life. He grew up in the house behind me as kids. We lost touch and reconnected at 21, I was in school and he was working at UPS.

We started dating when I was in my last year of college and things moved really quick. He instantly moved in with me. He was living at his parent’s house, his dad is a convicted child sex offender they got into a fight so I’m like just stay here. It was my parent’s house and he moved right in and never looked back. (🚩# 1 - any man who will live in another persons house for free and makes them selves right at home). We had SOO much fun, we were hugh into the night scene, partying, drinking, pills ect at least 4 nights a week. I was 23 and in school and doing so good in school I didn’t see any problem with it. He worked at UPS still. He didn’t have a car so I would drive him. (🚩 #2 I should have wanted someone that was equal to where I was at, but the hard part was my parents bought me the car so I felt like I wasn’t any better then him for a having a car…news flash a man in his mid 20’s should have a car PERIOD).

We started renting the house next door to my parents and I got pregnant. The day I found out, he came home blacked out and we got into our first and only physical fight (🚩 #3 OBVIOUSLY it should have been over right there). At the time in my mind I was equally at fault because we were fighting over a lap top, I grabbed it and sat in a recliner, he walked past me and I kicked him. (I have bad anger issues that I think prolonged this whole thing) but he almost killed me. Had me on the ground and choked me until I blacked out and spit in my face. I called the police. I ended up being hospitalized because my vitals were through the roof and I was 8 weeks pregnant. He went to jail for like 2 weeks, charges were upped because I was pregnant. That should be the end of this story, but it’s not. I went to court, lied, and he got off.

I stopped everything when I was pregnant and I think what happened was I was so distracted by being pregnant and working I seriously missed a lot. In my head I was doing the right thing and focusing so much on the baby and what I wanted that to be, I ignored the reality. I didn’t really notice what he was doing. He’s also someone who will be whoever you want him to be. My son was born and I took so well to motherhood. I dedicated my entire being to my son and work.

So naturally my baby’s dad starts cheating on me. I will say that’s when my eyes actually finally opened and I was like FUCK. We can call people stupid and blind from the outside but when you’re so close in it you really don’t see it how everyone else does. I was not okay at all. I look back and don’t know how I did it. That changed me on a molecular level. Everything that “should” have happen, like, you should leave and realize your worth, it was the opposite, I lost all my worth. I became someone I didn’t know. I was so desperate and miserable. I would stay up all night and look through his phone records. FOR WHAT I knew what was going on, but he did lie about so much it was deranged. I plunged into work as the only ounce of me that felt valuable. I stayed.

It wasn’t until 10 years, one rehab stint for him, Covid and a baby later that one morning around the holidays I looked at his phone in the deleted album and saw pictures of him by himself with my robe string tied around his dick(???) I was like are you for real? he slammed his head into the glass cooktop stove and ripped a door off the hinges in front of my two kids and left. This time there was no coming back. That was 2023 and it’s still just as bad. Three weeks ago he was suppose to pick my 5 year old up from cheer and didn’t show up. I was in meetings and didn’t see the calls until an hour later. My daughter sat there and waited for him for an hour and he never came. I rushed there and on the drive I realized the way I felt was the exact same way I felt when I was being taken to the hospital when he choked me 11 years ago and it felt like nothing changed. If anyone reads this please listen to the ones who went through it and learn from us. Love is not a rollercoaster, it shouldn’t hurt you. I wish I loved myself then. I’ve really got myself into something that I myself can’t get out of.

Looking back on September now that it’s October 1, there were only 3 days worth remembering and all three days were of my birthday. September had nothing but medical problems, financial disappointments, and loss in the family. I wanted nothing to do with my favorite month less than a week in.

But I’m so lucky to have my partner, three days was enough. The day before, on, and after became my Birthday; he insisted on this truth, and he made it so that I was 100% pampered and cared for on all three days. I want to cry remembering it. “Lay down and dont do anything, it’s your birthday.” he’d gaslight me, lovingly, on the days before and after. He cleaned my house, did all the cooking, spent all day doing what I wanted with him because he wanted me to be happy.

On the day marking my first breath he took me to a restaurant.. that sadly ran out of my beloved Stuffed Bellpeps, and those things arent often offered where I am. So he took me on a grocery run after buying our favorite shakes and ordering my cakes. It was a birthday an Auntie would have, my mom commented, but it was still wonderful.

I hope October wont be as bad, but honestly this post is just a quiet flex about how loved I felt on the shittiest peak of my year.

Dinner was the most amazing and lovingly made Stuffed Bellpeppers a girl could ever ask for on her birthday.

Dinner is cucumber, blueberry, scrambled eggs, tuna can, avocado, and strawberry.

​I need to get some perspective because I'm feeling sick to my stomach about my relationship lately.

​My partner hates feminism, but what bothers me the most (and what I'm struggling to reconcile) is how entirely lacking in empathy he is toward victims of sexual assault.

​Take the Cornell University sexual assault case, for example. His immediate reaction was that the victim is probably lying and just trying to get a payout for suing the University. He claims that he "doesn't blindly believe things," but it’s awfully convenient that the things he mostly refuses to believe are almost exclusively related to women.

​This isn't new, either. He has thought this way for a while, believing that survivors are either fishing for attention or trying to make money off false accusations. Whenever I try to talk to him about this, he points to the fact that we've watched a bunch of true crime documentaries about women with Munchausen syndrome or women who made false accusations for money, using them to justify his blanket skepticism toward all female victims.

I remember vividly a year ago we watched the documentary Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey about an ex-Mormon woman who left her FLDS cult, shared her story of being brainwashed, and talked about being taken advantage of at a young age. He claimed she was probably lying just because the way she talked "sounded fake" to him.

What really broke something inside me is I asked him a hypothetical question: would he trust our daughter if she ever came home and said she was raped? His answer was that he would only trust her report only if she hadn't been "acting slutty," wasn't under the influence of drugs, or hadn't put herself in a "dangerous environment."

That completely shattered my view of him. It showed me his lack of unconditional parental love and protection, and I realized I don't want to be in a marriage where any future children wouldn't be taken seriously just because they don't fit his arbitrary, victim-blaming standards.

We got into a huge fight over this. When I called him misogynistic and sexist, he accused me of "attacking his character" and verbally abusing him on his birthday (because I told him "FUCK YOU" in response to his answer about our future daughter). He insists that he loves me and loves women, but his actions and beliefs show the exact opposite, and I just don't feel it anymore.

​Looking back, I am genuinely shocked at how long I tolerated this "personal opinion" from him. Letting confirmation bias from a few documentaries dictate how he views all women in trauma is a huge red flag. As a woman myself, I realize I don't want to be around someone who has so little empathy, and I don't think I can move past this.

Got my proteins and my fats, last night and this morning 😉🤣 Hubby did his thangggg ✨

Recently after the Cornell 7 incident I've seen many women come out about their stories. It is truly so sad how many women go through what they do and their perpetrator never gets in trouble or even has to take accountability. It's truly so sad, and they have to deal with long term trauma and PTSD due to these circumstances.

While reading some things, a thought came into my mind, is there anything that is actually protecting women from awful things like this happening? so my question is, would anyone buy a product that truly protects you? not a birdie alarm or any alarm of that.

I had a situation happen several years ago where I was s@xually harassed by a coworker. I was on a phone call with him when he decided to start having a s@xual act performed. This particular coworker was also a union leader. Given those circumstances, the union only gave a slight slap on the wrist once they found out and he continued to be apart of the union. Fast forward to earlier this year, multiple reports of others being affected by this individual started to surface and were brought to the company. These reports included unwanted touching, pornographic material and sex toys. An investigation was taking place. Unfortunately, before the investigation could conclude, the company ceased operations.
I just was contacted that this guy landed a job at the largest company in that industry and the union president, who was aware of his actions, went to his graduation/wing pinning ceremony and pinned his wings.
I’m more pissed about the president always out there and “fighting the good fight” for labor and yet is willing to celebrate someone that the union itself found to be liable for s*xual harassment. How has a woman can you stand to look in the mirror knowing what someone is and has done to others?
If the current situation with Cornell is teaching us anything, we need to speak up and we need to be loud.

Food: leftover toasted ravioli and garlic bread